Jack and Belle
by Magdelope
Summary: My first fanfic, be gentle ;). I felt sorry for Jack and wanted to create a love story for her. To create the story I wanted I had to create my own character too, Belle Chakwas. Will try to update as often as I can. Oh and Shephard in my story is female. Set during ME2, and it is a femslash. And there is implied Liara/Femshep throughout my story. RIGHT NOW UNDER MASSIVE EDIT.
1. Chapter 1 - Who are you?

**Bioware owns all the characters except Belle. I'm just playing puppetmaster.**

**This story is now being edited completely. All thanks goes to skyeward for proofreading and fixing grammar!**

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**Chapter one – Who are You?**

Jack had always been very angry. She could not remember a time when she hadn't been filled with anger, hatred, contempt and a bloody thirst for violence. She had been locked up on so many occasions it didn't really matter where she was being kept anymore.

But now her prison was the Normandy. She kept telling herself that she was free to leave at any time, but the truth was she had no other place to go. Even if she would never admit it to herself, she was tired of running, of not knowing what to do. All that was left for her now was death in battle. She was going to assist Shepard in whatever the strange woman wanted and then she was going to be done. All that was needed was one mistake from her side; just one mistake and she could sleep. One mistake and she could finally rest.

...

Commander Shepard had not been intending to bring another crew member onboard, not after having collected a myriad of people from all over the place. After reuniting with Tali and recruiting that killer Jack and countless others she thought she was done. But Doctor Chakwas had other plans.

Shepard was sitting by the desk in her cabin when the doctor entered with a strange look on her face: very different from her usual confident self.

"Commander," she said and sat down on the sofa facing Shepard, "can I talk with you?"

"Of course Doctor, what can I do for you?"

Chakwas had one last request: she wanted her niece, Belle Chakwas to join their crew as well.

"She has just graduated from nursing school. She wants to join the military like I did, but I would prefer it if I could keep an eye on her. I have needed a nurse to assist me ever since the Normandy I, at any rate, and my niece would be perfect."

Shepard looked at Chakwas for a little while and then opened her mouth.

"Are you sure bringing her here is what is best for your niece? This is still a Cerberus vessel, there is fighting every day. The wounds my crew comes back with aren't for the faint hearted, and..."

"Belle is very capable, I assure you Commander," Chakwas quickly interrupted. "She is graduating with top grades, and has already been offered employment at several top hospitals, including two Alliance ones. She will most likely leave Earth regardless."

The two women looked at each other, an understanding forming. Usually Shepard hated being interrupted but she also heard the urgency in the doctor's voice. The commander quickly weighed the options. She didn't like the idea of bringing another young woman onboard the ship, another person whose life would be in Shepard's hands, but she had also heard Chakwas complain before that she had no one to assist her in medical matters. This way, they'd kill two birds with one stone and also let the doctor look out for her niece. Iit could really only be positive.

"Okay," Shepard said., "Sshe can come."

"Great," Chakwas stood up, relieved that their conversation had gone as she had hoped. Now she didn't want to linger, since she didn't like asking for favors of this magnitude. Not to mention and she had noticed the photo of the blue figure that had rested in Shepard's hands when Chakwas she'had entered the room.

...

Jack had had a terrible day. The Normandy had stopped for a few hours at the citadel picking up something or someone. There was always some commotion among the crew whenever they stopped at some place civilized. Jack felt restless when she knew they were in a place where there was not going to be any fighting. She had stayed in her little room; thinking, brooding or just reading the files that Shepard had given her. Jack was not good at reading so it took her a long time to even get through one file.

S…s...u...b...j...e...c…t…z...e…r…o…di…d..n…o…t..r es…res…po…n…d…w…e…ll…t…o…to…da…ys…e…x…pe…r…i…m…e…n …t…s... Jack got frustrated with her own inability and threw the datapad into the wall. She did not feel like reading about any experiments today.

Jack stood up from her cot, deciding that she was hungry and started making her way up the mess hall to get something to eat, hoping not too many people would be there. There wasn't as most people were still on the citadel. The biotic swung by the fridge and fixed herself a sandwich, then she sat down by an empty table, focusing completely on the simple task of eating her sandwich.

"Who is that?" A voice made Jack look up. At another table Dr Chakwas, another person that Jack despised, was sitting next to a young woman that Jack had never seen before. She must have been picked up at the citadel because Jack didn't recognize her and Jack believed in knowing your enemy. Anyone could be an enemy and Jack had memorized each face of the whole crew during her first few days on the Normandy.

The woman next to Chakwas was tiny and she didn't look military. Not a soldier, Jack thought, and most likely not a threat.

"That is Jack," Chakwas explained to the girl, "she is also part of Shepard's crew."

And who are you? Jack thought to herself wondering who the newcomer was but not wanting to ask. What did it matter anyway? But she still wanted to size her up and make the new girl as scared of her as the others were.

She stood up and walked slowly and predatory up to the table where Chakwas and the girl was sitting. When she got closer, Chakwas straightened up, getting ready for whatever Jack was going to throw at her and her lunch partner. The girl however almost lit up and smiled at Jack. Jack put more effort into the threatening grimace she was giving them and then asked in the most dangerous voice she could muster.

"Who are you?"


	2. Chapter 2 - Im not a psychopath

**Chapter 2 – I'm not a psychopath**

"My name is Belle," the girl said tilting her head to meet Jack's gaze. Emerald eyes locked into Jack's brown ones, "I'll be assisting Doctor Chakwas with medical matters; I'm a nurse." Jack nodded and started leaving the mess hall to return to her room without answering.

_ Great, _she thought to herself, _more medical personnel. _Jack didn't trust anyone who works with medical things. Nurses drugged her, held her down, made her eat when she didn't want to, and doctors… well, doctors are the ones to really watch out for. She never got very hurt anyway, nothing a little rest and alcohol wouldn't cure.

She picked up the datapad that was still lying on the floor and lay down on her cot to read again, perhaps she could get through a few more gruesome files before it was time to sleep.

A few hours later an exhausted Jack put the datapad down by her side and laid her face to the pillow. She felt tired and broken and wanted to scream. Reading about what those horrible people had done to her made her feel like she was there again, either screaming herself hoarse wanting the other kids to hear her, or fighting and killing, feeling so good and then being let down from the high, suddenly realizing what she had done.

She got up, started pacing in her space, feeling trapped. She needed to move, needed to breathe, _needed to kill. _A good fight, a good kill and she would feel much better. Jack almost considered managing up to Shepard's quarters and in one way or another convince the commander to take them into the line of fire so that Jack could kill and fight. In the end she settled at going to the mess hall and perhaps finding a bottle of something.

Jack would get drunk, sleep and blissfully forget or at least ignore. She would stop feeling as terrible as she did now. She would forget… she had to forget! It was 02.30, earth time; a lot of the crew would be asleep. The mess hall would be empty. Jack immediately went upstairs.

"Stupid fucking bottle, open!" Jack said in desperation as she was trying to pull the cap of the bottle with sheer force, not noticing that you were supposed to twist it. She was sitting on top of one of the counters with her legs under her, in the dimly lit mess hall. She had now resorted to hitting the neck of the bottle against the table, desperate for it to open when a soft voice suddenly spoke.

"If you continue you will break it, it is supposed to be screwed open." Jack looked behind her and there in a corner, with four or five books spread all around her, sat Belle. Her brick red hair was in a messy plait lying across her shoulder; not wearing Cerberus clothing but what Jack assumed was her own clothing, an open jumper with a dress underneath.

Belle jumped up, walked over to where Jack was sitting, took the bottle and opened it. Until this moment Jack hadn't really reacted but when Belle handed her the opened bottle, she immediately took a sip and smiled a little when she felt the strong liquid burn her throat. She wiped her mouth with her arm and looked at Belle who was still standing next to her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

Belle shrugged.

"I don't sleep, not very much anyway. I'm an insomniac. Why are you not sleeping?"

Jack didn't answer at first, thinking of a good reply.

"None of your damn business," she eventually said, hoping it would be threatening enough, "and I want to be alone."

Belle nodded and went back to her place on the floor, taking one of the books and resumed reading. Jack had turned her back to Belle and continued drinking. Apart from the turning of pages, the mess hall was quiet for a long time. Jack was starting to feel wonderfully drunk and kind of dizzy when Belle shut the book and put it down. The girl then stood up and walked back to the counter where Jack was sitting.

"Do you need something?" Belle asked, speaking behind her.

Jack turned around and jumped down, facing Belle. She walked up to Belle and stared her in the eye. Belle was shorter, not much shorter, but short enough to make Jack feel tall when standing next to her.

"Why, little girl, got something to offer?" Jack said in a mocking voice and as she anticipated Belle took a step backwards.

"No," Belle said, "I mean, I meant if you…if you were hungry or something, or hurt." Jack took another step forward.

"Some sleeping pills wouldn't be bad," she said but Belle immediately shook her head.

"No, no sleeping pills," she said, "you have consumed alcohol and taking any kind of medication now would be bad."

Jack chuckled dangerously and grabbed one of Belle's wrists.

"If you don't get me some pills I can't sleep and who knows what I might do then. You have heard what the rest of the crew say about me, right? I am a psychopath… who knows what I might do if you deny me some pills." Jack didn't know if she could threaten the nurse into giving her the pills but figured she had nothing to lose. She had not expected the reaction that followed however.

Belle pulled her arm from Jack's grip and took a step backwards.

"Oh, no you don't," she said, shaking her head and actually smiling, "you can't bully me into getting any medication for you. I used to work in a mental hospital and you are not the worst that I have seen."

"…and I wouldn't use the word psychopath," Belle added after a bit, she then stopped smiling and asked, "What's wrong with you?"

Jack looked down and stepped away from Belle, not being able to scare Belle had thrown her off, not knowing what to do. Even without the pills the alcohol was starting to make her sleepy and she was shaking. It had been a long day and she still remembered everything she had read before. Belle's question was too much and Jack considered beating the girl, taking out her frustration. A nurse would be a good target, especially one who was asking almost as tiresome questions as their commander.

Jack took a long breath and looked down. It was almost as Belle could read her mind, suddenly the air around the girl changed and when Jack looked up she saw that Belle was scared. She started backing towards her books, eventually tripping over one of them and falling over. She was now backed into the corner on the floor and clearly terrified of Jack. But instead of satisfaction of successful intimidation Jack felt that she had liked Belle better when she had been smiling.

Without another word Jack left the mess hall, when she went through the door she started running, all the way to her space and her cot, where she crashed and finally, _finally, _slept.


	3. Chapter 3 - Can I start over?

**Chapter 3- Can I start over?**

Jack felt awful. Throbbing headache, feeling sick and dizzy. Her heart was still hurting but last night's event and drinking had taken the edge off. She would live to fight through another day.

She was lying on her cot facing the wall when she heard steps behind her. Jack immediately sat up and looked towards the stairs. She was expecting Shepard, coming to check on her or just to talk and ask questions. What she didn't expect was Belle, holding a tray with a cup and a box of pills. When she saw that Jack was awake she hesitated for a minute but then walked over to Jack's desk and put the tray down. She looked up at Jack again and spoke.

"I thought you would need…um… it's painkillers for your headache and some water to wash them down with." Belle turned around and started to leave but then Jack stood up and tried to get her attention.

"Hey!", she said, "what are you doing? I was about to beat you senseless yesterday and here you are today, giving me _pills for my headache."_ Jack was intrigued now and wanted to know why the hell Belle had come to offer her some pills, especially since the nurse had refused to give her pills last night.

Belle stopped and turned around facing Jack, but not really meeting her eye. Jack took some time to study the girl. She was wearing the same dress as yesterday but no jumper. Her dress was green, matched her eyes Jack suddenly noticed… She kept looking at Belle in silence for a couple of minutes and couldn't help but admitting that Belle was quite _pretty. _Maybe downright beautiful if you were into that sort of thing. Her hair wasn't as messy as it had been last night but rather kept tidy in a ponytail. Eventually Belle spoke.

"You were about to beat me senseless?"

Jack chuckled and shook her head; she wasn't going to say yes, nothing good would come of it.

"Why did you come here, little girl? Why did you talk with me last night? Why did you refuse those pills to me last night when it would have been easier to just hand them to me?"

Belle looked up and faced the convict.

"You were about to break the bottle so I talked with you so you wouldn't… I continued talking with you because you looked sad. Your eyes were so hollow and you looked so broken. I wanted to see if I could make you smile."

Whatever Jack had expected her answer to be, it hadn't been that. _Belle wanted her to smile? _She shook her head in disbelief. She went over to her desk, put two-three pills in her mouth, hearing Belle's protests in the background, and washed it down with water.

"You shouldn't have done that!" Belle said in protest when Jack faced her again, "You are supposed to take one pill every four hours and most likely your headache would be gone after the first!"

Jack laughed softly, wanting to think of another way to get this reaction from the girl again. Belle's freckled cheeks were beginning to become red and there was a hint of frustration in her eyes. Belle was starting to lose patience with the tattooed woman.

They watched each other in silence, at loss for words. Jack was still amused until she remembered what Belle had said, that Jack had hollowed eyes, that Jack looked sad. The smirk disappeared from her face and she looked down, feeling… she didn't know. She felt sad and hollow… and even a little bit ashamed. She wished Belle wasn't there; again Belle was near when Jack really needed to beat someone up.

Belle looked at Jack, she had been intrigued with the woman since the first time she noticed her in the mess hall. There was something in the air around her that Belle couldn't quite put her finger on, but it called out to her, asked her to help. Especially after her aunt before going to bed had told her to stay away from her, and her new friend, the yeoman, Kelly had seconded that opinion. They all seemed more or less afraid of Jack and Belle had decided that she wanted to know why. But Jack had scared her to last night, she had really though that the tattooed woman was going to pounce on her and start hitting. She got scared… She had arrived at the conclusion to simply stay away as advised but then as she finally was falling asleep an hour or two later she had remembered Jack's eyes… Jack's sad and angry eyes. They had struck something deep within Belle's core. She had to help Jack, she had to do something, otherwise Jack would wind up destroying herself and for some reason Belle didn't want that.

"Can we start over?" She eventually asked, "Without beatings and sleeping pills?" Jack looked up, crossing her arms over her chest and eyeing her closely but eventually nodding. She could start over with Belle, maybe even be some type of friends if the girl turned out to be all right.

Belle left after a while, taking the pills with her. Jack had tried to persuade her to leave a few but couldn't bother to put too much effort on it. When Jack once again was alone she started thinking… about starting over. Jack truly wished she could start over in some way, stop feeling angry all the time. Maybe get some form of closure. She had read all the files that Cerberus had on her now. Her memories were clearer than ever and she knew what had to be done. She was going to blow the place to pieces… Jack knew it was the only way, the only way she could let go. Could it be a way to start over? Jack put her glass down and decided to go up and see Shepard, to leave her safe and dark little hiding hole.

Shay Shepard was having a good day. She had finally managed to locate the position of a certain asari and she could not wait to tell Joker to set coordination for Illium. She sat down by her desk to prepare a report when Jack walked through her door.

The commander looked up in surprise. She often went to talk with Jack, worrying if the ex-con was a threat or even if she was going to be of any help at all. Sometimes Shepard worried that Jack was going to suddenly snap and kill half her crew before she could be stopped. She had seen the sheer power that Jack had at her fingertips and it was nothing Shepard wanted unleashed on her ship. She stood up properly and walked to meet Jack.

"What do you need?" She asked.

"I finished reading my files," Jack said, "have you read them?"

"Your files? No, can't say that I have," Shepard replied, eyeing Jack carefully but Jack wouldn't meet her eye and instead kept her gaze to the ground. Without seeing Jack's eyes Shepard couldn't tell what was on her mind properly but everything about the woman's posture screamed uncertainty. Shepard understood that Jack was about to say something important and how Shepard reacted now was going to define how the rest of their relationship would look.

"I used to be subject zero," Jack started, "Cerberus raised me and the first thing I remember is the door of my cell. After reading my files I have found out that I was only four when they got hold of me. They did experiments, tortured me, drugged me. Whatever chance I had at being normal they stole it by trying to turn me into some super biotic. There were other kids there, but I was kept separate and they hated me… I was put against them, with me always killing one or two. When I broke out I had to fight them all, and I killed but there is a loose end I need to deal with."

Shepard was appalled at what she was hearing.

"Why would they do that to a little girl?" She asked and Jack just shook her head.

"Something about using pain to break down mental barriers… but it doesn't matter. I want to return to the facility and blow it up. When that is done I will do whatever you ask of me."

Shepard nodded and thought for a moment… thinking over what was doable and what wasn't. She didn't want to take any unnecessary risks or jeopardize her crew or the mission. But Jack was also part of her crew and if Shepard could help her it would be done.

"Do you know where the facility they kept you is located?" She asked.

Jack nodded.

When Jack left Shepard's quarters she felt lighter. She had a goal and walked with determined steps back to where she would continue to bide her time. They weren't going to the Teltin facility right away because the commander had a thing or two to do on Illium, but to Jack it didn't matter. They were going to go, she would get to blow that hell up, Shepard had said so and Jack believed her. Hell, Jack practically trusted the woman. If Shepard said they were going to go, they were going to go. Jack just had to wait.

She went back into her space and once again set down on her bed. It was going to be over soon. Jack's headache was gone and she lay back on her bed wondering what she was going to do for the rest of the day. She closed her eyes and then smiled when a certain girl came to mind. What was it that Belle had said?

_She wanted to see Jack smile._


	4. Chapter 4 - On Illium

**Chapter 4 – On Illium**

A few days later they arrived in Illium, it had taken a bit longer because they were desperate for some resources. While the Normandy had been probing different planets, Belle had been immersing herself in everything that that her aunt had to show her and she had greedily read through every book on xenobiology, really wanting to be prepared for their first patient. So far, the only patient they had had was Joker who had come in for a check-up and some medication. Belle was getting impatient, she craved some action and she missed her summer work at the alliance hospital.

When her aunt had come and visited her at the university and offered her a job Belle couldn't believe her luck. Her aunt, an aunt she had only known through Christmas and birthday cards before, offered her a job, a job filled with excitement. A position where she could really make a difference and in the same time explore the galaxies. That was before she had known she would be working for Cerberus.

Belle knew of Cerberus and didn't like what she had heard. Her aunt had made it sound like it was alliance or at least something legal but no, here she was about to board a Cerberus ship… about to _work for them._ Belle had not liked the idea but decided to confront her aunt when the time was right.

She was still there, and the time still wasn't right. She barely knew aunt Karin and it was still a mystery to Belle why she had been offered the job. Then she had met Jack and she wanted to stay just a little bit longer. She still wanted to see if she could make the angry woman smile.

Belle was standing by the operating table, discussing the biological implications of the genophage when Shepard walked into the medical bay with Miranda Lawson.

"Doctor," she said and nodded at Chakwas, "and sister." She nodded at Belle who quickly straightened her skirt and also stood up straight. She still hadn't put on Cerberus clothing and always got a little worried when Shepard or Miranda Lawson came in. Belle had quickly picked up that even if Miss Lawson wasn't her employer or boss, Miranda sort of thought she was. Belle didn't always like Miranda's attitude but she had to admit the woman did look fabulous.

Miranda wasn't looking like her usual cool self though, she hadn't for days. She had dark rings under her eyes and her hair looked unwashed. Belle was curious what could be having that effect on the woman who usually showed no emotion, but it was not Belle's place to ask.

"We have docked on Illium, at the Nos Astra exchange" Shepard said, looking at the doctor, "Me and Miranda have some business to take with us and we are taking Garrus and Jack for backup. We will approximately stay for a few days however so you and your niece are welcome to experience Illium. It is quite safe and I have heard that there are a few people from the crew who are planning to get some shopping done. I think even Yeoman Chambers is going." Shepard said the last words and smiled at Belle. Belle and Kelly Chambers had become fast friends during Belle's first week. They were both quite young and had found that they had many interests in common, mainly psychology and math.

Belle nodded and smiled at Shepard and looked at her aunt who quickly nodded. She was looking forward to have a look around Nos Astra; after all, she wanted to discover the universe. And she wouldn't mind checking out a bookstore or even a local foodstore. It would also be fun to spend some time with her friend outside of the short breaks Kelly usually had.

Belle and Kelly decided to meet outside the ship at 1400 hours. Belle had changed into a long darkgreen skirt and a white blouse. _Maybe there would even be some time for shopping for clothes? _She went up the stairs from the medical bay, through the mess hall and continuing towards the entrance. She passed by Tali walking in the opposite direction. Belle and Tali hadn't talked much since Belle had come onboard the ship but Belle liked making friends and the fact that Tali was a whole other species made her more interesting.

"Hey Tali," she said and smiled at the qurian, "me and Kelly are going to walk around Nos Astra, do you want to come?"

"No thank you Miss Chakwas," Tali replied to her in her usual voice, "the qurian fleet is not welcome on Illium so I will sit this one out. You two have a nice time though."

…

Several hours later a tired and happy Kelly and Belle were deciding it was time to go back. They had been to a bookstore where Belle had found a very detailed book on asari physiology and they had been to an asari supermarket but left slightly disgusted by what they sold there. They were now walking aimlessly, just chatting and enjoying being away from the stale recycled air of the Normandy. They did not notice when their way turned less lit and that they were actually getting further away from their home instead of closer.

"Hey!" A man's voice called out and made the women look up. They had unconsciously walked into the Eternity Bar and Lounge. At the table to their left sat three shady men, including the one who had called over to them. They looked military with big guns on their backs, but the symbol on their uniform was not one that Belle or Kelly recognized. They reeked of alcohol and were very clearly intoxicated. The man who had called to them was now standing up and waving at them.

"Come on, ladies," another one of them said, "Why don't you two join us for a drink?"

"No thank you," Kelly said and the women turned around but then another soldier, a fourth one, was blocking the entrance. He tried to put his arms around them but they quickly backed away from him. Very quickly they had become surrounded and Belle was getting angry.

"Let us pass," she said with the sternest voice she could muster but the men chuckled in unison and walked closer. The one who had been blocking the entrance made a gesture towards the table.

"Come on, pretties," he said and chuckled sending shivers down Belle's spine, "it is no harm in sitting down and having a drink with us."

"Except we don't want to," Kelly said and Belle tried to pass the man by pushing his arm. But it was useless, instead of letting them pass the man by the entrance pushed Belle into the table where she was quickly grabbed by one of the other men. The other two men who was standing up then went for Kelly trying to get hold of her and then push her down between them on the coach.

"Look guys," the biggest of them said, with Belle next to him, "we got ourselves two redhaired beauties." He then tried to kiss Belle who had her hands pressed against her chest but not enough power to push him away. Her heart was beating really fast and she felt the fear starting to take over. The man was now utterly close to planting his lips on her when he was suddenly pushed to the opposite wall by a ball of blue biotic energy. By the entrance stood a bewildered Shepard, Miranda and Garrus stood behind her and in front of them stood a furious Jack, pulsing blue.

Shepard took four big steps and ripped the man sitting next to Kelly away from her. Jack had used more biotic energy to push the other two men out of their seats and was now sitting on top of the man who had tried to kiss Belle and was hitting him in the face over and over. The rest of the men had now recognized commander Shepard, the hero of the universe, and were not showing any force but rather standing, looking down like schoolboys in trouble. Belle hated their shameful faces, they saw nothing wrong with what they had tried to do but rather they were upset that they had been caught. At least Shepard was also a woman, Belle thought. The commander was talking to them in an angry voice, her arm protectively around Kelly's shoulders. That's when Belle turned her head around and saw that Jack was still hitting the guy in the face, his face was now bloody and Jack was not slowing down. Belle didn't dare to try to stop her instead she yelled.

"Commander, Jack!" Shepard turned around and grabbed Jack's arm, making her stop hitting the man who was no longer moving.

"That's allright, Jack!" She shouted, "It's over now, the men are not going to bother anyone again." Jack pulled against Shepard's grip but then reluctantly nodded and stood up. She shot a glance at Belle who was standing, clutching her bookshopbag, but then looked down on the floor. The other men quietly went and retrieved their passed – out, maybe dead, comrade.

Shepard turned to Belle and Kelly.

"Now explain yourselves," She said, "there are no excuses for what these men were trying to do, but still. You should not have been here." She sighed and put her hand on her forehead.

"You know what," she continued not letting Kelly or Belle answer, "it doesn't matter, you are both adults. Let's just get back to the ship, all of us, we have more to do tomorrow."

They started walking back to the Normandy. Kelly took the lead with Shepard, starting to talk and explain more in detail what had happened. Miranda and Garrus walked right after them. Belle and Jack went a little bit after the others. They didn't look at each other. Belle looked at Jack's bloody knuckles wondering if it was all the man's blood or if Jack was hurt. _If Jack was hurt, it would give Belle a reason to touch her._

Jack was furious. Furious with Belle for being stupid enough to get into danger, furious that she had let herself lose control and almost killing the man, furious with Shepard for stopping her and again furious with herself for stopping when Shepard asked. Her knuckles hurt a little bit and some of the blood on them was probably hers. _Would Belle want to treat them? _ Jack wondered, _would she put those hands on hers and clean her wounds…kiss where it hurt? _Jack couldn't believe what she was thinking, not knowing when Belle had gone from just acquaintance to…to…to whatever she was now.

Jack just knew that when she had seen that man trying to kiss Belle and seen Belle's scared eyes something had snapped inside her and she wanted to kill them all. She fucking would have killed them all if she would have been alone. She knew their type, scumbag men who though that anyone who didn't have a dick was fair game, that anything female was somehow _theirs. _She remembered her time in the Purgatory, what they had done to her there, the men and occasionally, the women. Jack stopped and turned to the nearest wall, punching it once with everything she had. The wall, however, was built with asari technology and didn't even break. There was enough force in her punch to break something but not the wall, instead there was a slight crackle when Jack's hand snapped. It hurt, she felt it, but there was no reaction. She closed her eyes, welcoming familiar pain. Physical pain she could deal with.

"Jack!" Belle whispered in horror next to her and took the biotic's hand between hers and Jack almost smiled at the usage of her name. Her name belonged in Belle's mouth.

"What did you do that for?" Belle whispered, still holding Jack's hurt hand but searching the woman's face for answers. Jack opened her eyes and met Belle's gaze.


	5. Chapter 5 - Subject zero reappears

**Chapter 5 – Subject zero reappears **

When Belle and Jack reached the medicbay on Normandy it was empty.

"Sit down on the gurney," Belle told her. Jack still hadn't said anything, not even answered Belle's question. Belle had given up trying to get her to talk and after that they had walked in silence. Jack hadn't even protested when Belle had told her they needed to go to the medical bay so that Belle could look at her hand.

Jack sat down, feeling relieved that the doctor wasn't here. She could bare letting Belle look at her hand but no doctor would ever get near her again.

Belle retrieved some alcohol, a small tube of medi-gel and a towel. She put on a clean nurse's apron and sat down on a stool in front of Jack. She put the things next to Jack on the gurney and then took Jack's hand. Jack winced a bit when Belle touched it, making Belle fear it was broken. She put some alcohol on the cloth and started cleaning Jacks knuckles. She worked slow and methodically, cleaning off all the blood, revealing the real damage. The alcohol was stinging but Jack didn't mind, instead she focused on the sensation of her hand in Belle's smaller ones. Belle put the cloth away and started scanning Jack's hand for fractures.

"No fractures," Belle told her without looking at her, instead the nurse now started applying medi-gel to Jack's broken skin. Jack closed her eyes at the warm sensation of the medi-gel as it started to work its magic on her hand.

"It's done," Belle whispered and reluctantly let go of Jack's hand. Jack nodded and stood up, thinking of leaving without saying anything. She didn't know what to say anyway. She was grateful that Belle had taken care of her hand, but she had no words. If she opened her mouth she would swear, or say something cruel or maybe even say something good which might even be worse Jack concluded. But as she was about to leave, Belle broke the silence.

"Thank you," Belle said, "for before… I… I would have said something earlier but I wasn't sure… I don't know what I was thinking… But I do appreciate everything you did… You saved me." Jack turned around and looked at Belle, eyeing her closely. The nurse had tears in her eyes and was wearing a very sad face.

"You got hurt," she continued, "because of me." Jack sighed and went down to the nurse again. She still had no idea what to say. What could she say? She liked Belle; Jack had to admit that much, at least to herself, and the world seemed brighter because of her. There were so many things Jack wanted to say. So many things she wanted to explain. She took Belle's hand with her healthy one and met Belle's teary eyes.

"Shit," she said and Belle looked up, confused.

"If I were to tell you," Jack continued still looking Belle straight into the eyes, "if I were to tell you how I got here, would you listen? Would you listen if I told you everything?"

Belle nodded and wiped her tears with the sleeves of her blouse. Her other hand was still held in Jack's firm grip.

"Come on," Belle said, "we can talk in my room where we won't be interrupted." With that she turned around and started walking, pulling Jack with her. Jack let herself be led to the end of the room. _They were still holding hands._

Belle opened a door in the other end of the medicbay and went in to the room inside, letting go of Jack's hand in the process. Jack felt her hand grow cold and wonder if she could initiate some other handholding activity later.

The room was where Belle and Dr Chakwas slept, it was divided into two parts by a wooden screen. Belle's part was furthest away from the door; she had a bed, a desk, a chair and a dresser. Belle went and sat down on the bed while Jack went to look at the photographs that Belle had standing on the top of her dresser. There was one of, what Jack assumed, her whole family. But it was a few years old, Belle looked to be around thirteen and had her arms around a very young boy. Her hair only reached her shoulders in the photo and she smiled right into the camera. The happiness of the people in the photo almost lashed out and struck Jack in the heart and head. _What was she doing? _Belle belonged to the family on the photo; she was supposed to keep smiling in the light. There was so much darkness and chaos around Jack… how could she bare it if she pulled Belle into that world?

"Fuck!" Jack said and started backing out of the room, "this was a mistake!" Belle stood up fast and tried to grab Jack's arm, walking after her. Jack panicked, it didn't matter that it was Belle pursuing her, having someone after her made Jack feel like escaping even more. And when Jack panicked she turned dangerous. She had almost reached the door when Belle grabbed her arm. Something snapped inside Jack and with a yell she pushed Belle up against the wall. Belle yelped by surprise and got scared when she saw Jack's empty eyes, now pulsing blue.

"Jack," Belle panting, finding it hard to breath with Jack's arm on her chest pushing her back, "you are hurting me, let me go!" But Jack didn't answer, Jack wasn't there anymore. Subject zero had replaced her and Belle didn't know what was going on. She didn't know anything about subject zero or anything else about Jack's past.

Subject zero didn't say or do anything. She pushed her arm up so that it was pushing on Belle's throat, Belle tried to struggle but there wasn't much she could do. She gasped for air but Jack's hold on her was too strong. Eventually Belle stopped struggling, Jack let go and Belle fell unconscious to the floor. As the girl hit the floor, her lips almost blue, Jack woke up from the chaotic trance she had been in. She had blacked out from a killing frenzy before, Belle had grabbed her arm, tried to make Jack stay and Belle had paid.

"Belle!" Jack fell to the girl's side and started shaking her. Jack couldn't believe what she had done, she had hurt Belle, maybe even killed her. _Belle, Belle, Belle, Belle, _Jack thought to herself, tears streaming down her face, as she started shaking her. She had to wake up, she just had to. Eventually Jack stopped and just sat on the floor. She couldn't move, couldn't spring to action, she didn't know what to do. She just sat there, her back to the wall and with Belle's head on her lap.

Jack didn't know how long they sat there but eventually the colour returned to Belle's face and the girl started stirring. Her white blouse had black stains where Jack's tears had fallen and there was an angry blue mark on her throat where Jack's arm had been. Belle's eyes flashed open, green eyes searching her surroundings. When they landed on Jack they expanded and Belle tried to leap to her feet, not managing because of the earlier lack of oxygen. She tried to stand but fell to the floor again. Jack immediately tried to come to the girl's aid.

"Get away from me!" Belle screamed in panic and started crying, crawling on the floor, trying to get as far away from Jack as possible. Jack froze, a million thoughts razing through her head. She got angry with herself for caring… She looked at Belle who was sitting a few meters away from her, sobbing loudly.

_ Pathetic, _Jack thought, pushing any feelings as far back as she could, _why is she crying, she is alive…she should be happy. _She wasn't even worried about what the others would say, what Shepard would say.

Jack stood up, took a last look at Belle who was still on the floor and then left the room without another word.


	6. Chapter 6 - Back on Pragia

**Chapter six – Back on Pragia**

Jack didn't leave her hideout for the following days. Shepard didn't request her for a mission and nobody came to see here. Her face was black and white from mascara, sweat and tears, both her hands were bloody from punching the wall again and again. Jack wasn't well, she felt empty, hollow and angry. She wanted to kill and cry and scream and still she could do nothing. In her most lucid moments she was happy about what had happened in Belle's bedroom. As long as Belle was scared of her, there was no chance that Jack could hurt her anymore. At other times Jack remembered Belle's terrified eyes and started punching the wall again. She was drowning in panic and anger.

Shepard was going down to see Jack. It had been a productive few days. She had helped Miranda protect her sister and she had met Liara, who was now sleeping heavily in her bed, as they were going to go to after the Shadowbroker soon. Shepard just had one more thing to do, and that was to go to Pragia and let Jack face her demons. But when she reached Jack's little space she almost thought one of Jack's demons had materialized. There was blood stains here and there on the walls were Jack's punch had hit and the woman was so dirty. Shepard wondered how Jack could have deteriorated so quickly in just two days.

"Jack," Shepard said and Jack slowly lifted her head and looked at her, "are you alright? What happened?" Jack stood up and shook her head.

"Nothing fucking happened," she said, her voice cold, "nothing at all. I'm just behaving like the psychopath I am. What about it, Shepard? What do you fucking want?" She squinted her eyes.

"Oh nothing," Shepard said, "was just coming to tell you that we are about thirty minutes from Pragia and the Teltin facility if you are still interested in your mission."

Jack looked up and came to her feet. She gave Shepard one long look and then nodded eagerly. Yep. She was ready.

Belle was standing in front of the mirror. She hadn't smiled for over a day. There were dark rings under her eyes and she had a scarf around her neck hiding her bruises. She didn't want anyone to find out. She couldn't believe how stupid she had been! She hadn't believed that Jack was dangerous and she had paid dearly for it. But now she knew and she was going to stay away.

Jack, Shepard, Miranda and Tali walked with determined steps toward the dockingbay. They were about to board a small shuttle that was going to take them to the facility where Jack had spent her childhood. Jack was not feeling anything but heard a heart beating in her head. _She was going to do it, she was finally going to do it. _As they walked by the medbay Jack couldn't help herself but had to throw a glance into the room, searching for a certain redhaired nurse. Jack wasn't disappointed; she caught a glance of Belle, working alongside her aunt. Jack almost smiled at the view but then remembered why Belle was wearing the scarf. Jack quickly looked down and pushed Belle out of her mind. She again felt blood buzzing in her head but quickly realized that it wasn't her own heart that she could feel in her head, it was Belle's.

Belle had not looked up but had known that Jack had seen her. That Jack had looked at her but as soon as Belle looked up Jack had her gaze firmly in the ground like usual. Belle shook her head, trying to shake of the feeling that was making her uncomfortable. She felt her heart beat a little faster and she was surprised to see that it was not with fear; it was some other feeling that Belle could not name.

…

Being back in that place was almost worse than Jack had anticipated. She remembered being here, not having a name, just being subject zero. She remembered everything. The fights, the killings, the screaming, the despair. Oh, the despair! While walking through the facility she occasionally felt like the scared little girl she once was and sometimes the killer psychopath she was now. She felt the taste of blood on her tongue and noticed that she had bit it, but not felt the pain.

They had stopped where subject zero had been put against the other kids, and Jack had, almost with glee, told the other women about how she had been drugged and conditioned to love the kill. She loved hearing Miranda gasp, full of shock. _Yeah, there you go Cerberus bitch, _Jack thought to herself, _see what your precious Cerberus actually does. _

Then came the truth crashing down on her. Her memories were faulty. She hadn't survived because she was the strongest; she had survived because whatever killed the other kids her tormentors wouldn't try on her. Jack's head was spinning. What was the truth? And she hadn't started the rebellion either… what if the kids had actually looked to her protection? No! The thoughts were too much. Jack gripped her gun more tightly, hoping to get to use it soon.

They were heading towards her old cell. It was where the bomb should be planted. Then they met Aresh. _He wanted to restart the Teltin Facility. _He wanted to seek justification, to know that there was some grand purpose to justify what had been done to him and the others. Jack wanted to put a bullet in his head. _Kill him, _a voice in her head said, _a bullet solves everything. _Jack nodded at no one and quickly put two bullets in Aresh's head. _Good, _the voice in her head whispered, _remember, you're a killer Jack. _

Jack started to fade back into reality and then heard that Shepard had said something… what was it? Jack had no idea but instinctively put her chin up in the air and said.

"No one tells me what to do!" Ignoring the man lying on the floor in a growing pile of blood. She turned her back to the others.

"This room was my whole childhood; give me a moment to look around. Then we will plant the bomb and get out."

She walked by the big glass window, remembering how she used to scream herself hoarse, trying to get the world outside to hear her. She looked over to the bed, _her bed, _sometimes when she woke up she still thought she was here. Jack felt like screaming and decided it was time.

"Okay, I'm ready." Shepard nodded and together they planted the bomb.

Seeing the facility, her childhood prison, blowing up from inside the shuttle didn't give Jack the satisfaction she thought it would have. She felt empty but perhaps a little lighter. She tried to breathe but her chest was heavy, she closed her eyes and decided to sleep until they were back at the Normandy.

…

Belle didn't know what sort of mission the others had been on but it didn't matter. She and her aunt prepared for injuries like they always did, always hoping that their preparations weren't necessary. Always hoping that everyone would come back in one piece. Belle let her thoughts briefly rest on Jack. Jack, the strange woman, the biotic queen, her psychopath… a psychopath that almost killed her, Belle had to remind herself. But then she remembered something more important. Before the incident, Jack had wanted to tell her something… With everything that had happened afterwards Belle had completely forgotten it… now curiosity and worry burned her soul again. What _was _Jack's history? What was it that her made her this way?

Belle was interrupted from her thought by EDI out of nowhere reporting.

"Crew is back but no one is in need of medical attention." Chakwas sighed and smiled happily at Belle and Belle smiled back as a thought was forming in her head.

"Aunt," she asked, "Can I go and see Miss Lawson quickly?"

Chakwas nodded at her niece thinking that the girl was interested in the mission that had just been finished.

"It's okay Belle," she said, "take your time." Belle left immediately.

She was going to ask what Miranda knew, because Miranda knew everything about everyone, at least it seemed so. Belle still blushed at a conversation that had occurred earlier in the week when Miranda for some reason had revealed that Belle had never had a boyfriend. And that that revealed something about Belle's character. Belle had been furious at the time but now thought that Miranda's know-it-all abilities might actually come in handy.

She stopped by Miranda's door just about to knock when she heard shouting from the inside. She could not tell what anyone was saying but Miranda was clearly not alone.

"Bitch!" Belle suddenly heard and her heart leaped in her chest when she recognized Jack's sharp tone. She turned around and started running towards the bridge hoping that the commander was there. She didn't have to run far however as Shepard was running towards her from the opposite direction.

"Commander," Belle panted, breathless from running, "Belle and Miranda, I think they are fighting!"

"I know!" Shepard replied and continued running, now with Belle tagging along.

They reached the door and the commander pressed the button, opening it and revealing what was inside. Jack was covered in blue biotic light.

"Touch me and I will smear the walls with you bitch!" Jack shouted and threw, with biotic energy a chair at Miranda, missing her by an inch.

Shepard walked in between them.

"Enough," she said in a stern voice, "stand down both of you."

"The cheerleader won't admit what Cerberus did to me was wrong!" Jack said coldly without taking her eyes of Miranda. Belle had never seen her like this, not even when she was trying to suffocate her. _Cerberus, _she thought, _what did Cerberus do to her?_

Miranda had in the meantime turned to Shepard and said, almost with a smile.

"It wasn't Cerberus. Not really. But clearly you were a mistake!"

Jack gasped, quickly turned around and put one finger to Miranda's face in a threatening manner.

"Screw you," she said, "You've got no idea what they put me through! Maybe it's time I showed you!"

Shepard walked in between the fighting women, cast one look at Miranda and then turned to Jack.

"Jack," she said calmly but angrily, "When you agreed to work for me, you agreed to be part of Cerberus mission. Not go and attack Miranda in her own quarters!"

Jack looked furious and crossed her arms in front of her.

"You're both assholes," she said, "You want me to fight for you, fine. You want anything more. Go fuck yourself." And with that Jack stormed out of the room, still pulsing blue with biotic power. She just went by Belle not acknowledging her. But Jack saw Belle; she didn't just see her but feel the girl's presence. Jack hated that she had been there, that she had seen even more of Jack's violence. _Oh Belle, _Jack thought, _if you only knew. _

She continued walking fast with heavy steps, all the way down to her space. She kicked the desk and screamed in agony.

"FUUUCK!" She continued kicking the desk over and over. Wanting it to break. Or wanting it to break her. She wanted to break herself. To stop, to rest. Her breathing was fast, every single gasp of air feeling like a knife to her chest. Miranda had called her a mistake. Jack was a mistake! A mistake, a mistake, a mistake! Jack was not supposed to be there, alive, she didn't belong anywhere…. She was alone and she was a mistake! Jack's mind was razing. And Belle, sweet Belle, the only person whose approval Jack craved, had been hurt by Jack. She felt another pang of agony in her chest when she faced the fact that she could have killed Belle, she had to face the fact that Jack almost had killed her. No other thoughts were needed. Jack stopped kicking the desk and instead took out her knife. She didn't need to think anymore. Jack felt relieved as she made two swift cuts, one on each wrist.


	7. Chapter 7 - Broken

**Chapter seven - Broken**

Shepard walked slowly back to her quarters. Her head hurt and she regretted what she had said to Jack. Cerberus _had_ done that to her, they were to blame. But Shepard got so angry over the fact that Jack had actually sought out a fight with a crewmember. At the time she had not reflected over her hurting words. _Oh well, _she thought, _Jack is an adult, she can deal. _

She entered her quarters and found to her delight Liara still sleeping soundly. _Poor Liara, she must have been exhausted. _Shepard sat down on the bed and started stroking her lover's face, happy that she was there. Liara started to stir, making purring, happy noises with every stroke to her face. She reached up with her hand and touched Shepard's. The woman smiled and leaned over to kiss her.

"Morning," she said in a soft, loving voice, so unlike her usual commanding one. Liara opened her eyes and smiled back.

"Commander," EDI said in an urgent voice, "your assistance is needed beneath the engineering deck. Now." 

"Duty calls, love"

"Go!" Liara said, and then lowered her voice "But come back later, that's an order… _commander." _Shepard gave her a quick smile and left.

…A few minutes earlier….

Belle was worried. Jack had been so angry, and she wasn't just angry for the reason of being angry. Belle knew there was a valid reason behind it, even if she didn't know _what_ it was. If she went to Jack's room, perhaps she could get the biotic to talk? Belle had to know, she had to solve the riddle that was Jack. She continued walking, past the medbay, towards the engineering deck and then took the stairs down. The closer she got to Jack's hideout, the harder her heart was hammering in her chest. She was nervous at the thought of putting herself in a room alone with a possibly angry Jack.

At first Belle didn't notice the blood. It looked like Jack's was sleeping, and she looked… _peaceful. _Like all her struggles was over. Then Belle noticed the blood. She gasped quickly.

"Jack!" she screamed and turned into Sister Chakwas, stepping into her nurse role. She immediately fell to Jack's side and checked the woman's pulse. By the neck cause the wrists were broken and bloody. To Belle's relief there was a pulse, but it was so weak. Jack didn't have long.

"EDI!" Belle screamed, clutching Jack in her arms "Do you hear this? Bring help!"

"Shepard on the way, I have also indicated to Dr Chakwas that she should prepare the medicbay."

"Thank you," Belle whispered. Now all she had to do was wait. Tears were streaming down her cheeks as desperation and sadness took her over.

"Oh Jack, why did you do it? You stupid woman!" Without thinking Belle leaned down and pressed her lips against Jack's.

Belle heard steps in the stairs and quickly jerked to upright position. It was Shepard.

"What is this?" she screamed when she saw Jack and the pile of blood. Belle immediately went into her nurse role and reported.

"She has slit her wrist, there is a pulse but it is weak. She needs blood, stat."

Shepard went to Jack and picked her up carefully. She nodded to Belle to follow her and then they walked to the medicbay, as fast as carrying Jack would let them.

…

_ Jack was floating in a sea of emotion. She didn't need to feel, the feelings were physical and didn't penetrate her, they just bumped against her and then floated away… there had been a temporary pressing of emotion on her lips but otherwise she was free. Jack didn't want to go; she was fine where she was… floating with her eyes up in the sky. The sun above her was warm… no, it wasn't warm, it was burning. Jack felt something in her arm and somebody shouting far away. Jack started twitching, wanting to get away from the feeling in her arm… the sun wasn't pleasant anymore, it was too hot, too intruding. Jack felt it now, there were needles going into her skin. Jack panicked. She was back in Teltin! Screaming, she tried to move but couldn't, her arms restrained, her legs too tired. Everything turned black and Jack fell… she fell and fell, into the cold hearted darkness. And when she landed, Jack woke up._

_…_

She was lying on a gurney in the medicbay, Belle was sleeping on a chair next to her and by the desk Chakwas was typing away on some report. Jack felt awful when she remembered what had happened, what she had done. _Oh why couldn't she have died!_ Now she was going to have to deal with so much bullshit from everyone. Jack was hurting all over but she felt better when she noticed that her arms weren't restrained. It had just been part of the nightmare.

Jack turned to look at Belle, who was still sleeping. Jack's heart softened at the sight of the girl, so tired that she had fallen asleep sitting up.

Chakwas stood up and Jack quickly closed her eyes, not wanting to reveal that she was awake. She heard the doctor's steps get closer and then she heard a voice speaking.

"Belle, honey, it's time to go to bed."

"No," Belle's reply was clearly sleepy.

"You haven't left Jack's side all day," Chakwas continued, "she can manage the night on her own. Come on now, pet."

Jack wanted Belle to go to bed. Then she could quietly sneak back to her room. Pretend this never happened. She wasn't going to try it again; she wasn't really _suicidal, _was she? No, Jack concluded, it had just been a f*cking mistake.

"I said no, aunt, I belong here." Chakwas mumbled something in reply that Jack couldn't make out and then the steps went away. Jack wasn't sure if Belle was still there, but she didn't dare to open her eyes yet. Then Belle's soft voice broke the silence.

"Oh Jack," she said almost whispering, "why did you do that!" It wasn't a question because Belle wasn't expecting an answer. Jack tensed as she felt Belle's hands on her arm. Moving up to her shoulder and then touching her face. Stroking her face. Belle sobbing.

"Oh Jack," Belle whispered. Jack heard the desperation and sadness in the girl's voice and couldn't bare it. She opened her eyes.

"Jack!" Belle gasped and pulled her hands away. She looked shocked but then quickly smiled.

"Welcome back, how are you feeling?"

"Like shit," Jack replied but felt relieved that the desperation was gone from Belle's voice. She couldn't bare hurting Belle.

Belle nodded.

"That's understandable, you lost a lot of blood, but with modern medical knowledge and technology, you should be back on your feet by morning… if you want to be back on your feet that is." Belle said the last thing with uncertainty in her voice, suddenly remembering why Jack was in her care in the first place.

"Great," Jack muttered, but then added quickly, "no, really, it is great… I didn't mean to…" She didn't continue her sentence though, not knowing what to say. Belle wouldn't understand anyway, the girl had probably had a perfect life until now, with her perfect family, a proper childhood and an education. In comparison Jack's world was so messed up and chaotic even she felt lost in it sometimes.

Belle stood up and to Jack's surprise started unbuttoning her blouse. Jack stared, wondering what the hell was going on. When Belle had her blouse completely off she threw it to the side.

"Look," she said and pulled the top she had underneath half way. Jack gasped. Belle's torso was covered in scars. Most of them really small, clearly caused by thin knifes; others were big and ugly as if caused by a blunt object. Belle turned around, giving her back to Jack and pulled her top off completely, now wearing only her bra. On her back she had clearly been whipped, white scars creating a spider web on her back.

"Tell me who did this and I will kill them, just point me in the direction," Jack said in a dark voice, ready to spring into action and literally smear the walls with whoever he or she was, and also kill every single person who had let this happen.

Belle shook her head, giggled softly and put her top and blouse back on before turning around.

"There is no one for you to kill," Belle said, looking at Jack with fondness in her eyes, "I wanted to show you that I know pain. You can talk with me, and I will listen."

Jack didn't know what to say. She couldn't say anything. She reached out her hand, seeking Belle's. Wanting the girl to touch her again, but she had to know.

"Who?"  
Belle shook her head.

"It is not important now," she said, "I just wanted you to know that you can talk with me. You won't corrupt me. You think you are broken, well I'm broken too."

Jack still had her hand reaching out, Belle took it and Jack started talking. Told her everything. Belle remained quiet, not showing emotion on her face. But Jack could see that it was upsetting her. When Jack got to the part about the researchers flooding her system with drugs when she killed, a single tear travelled down Belle's cheek. She wiped it off with her sleeve. She knew Jack had been through a lot, but she had not expected it to be so dark.

Jack wanted to tell her more, not just about Teltin and Pragia, but about everything that had happened after that to. Jack wanted to tell Belle about everything that had happened to her before joining the Normandy.

"Eventually I got out of my cell and left. I hardly remember in what order things happened, but I killed practically everyone there, kids, doctors, everyone. I got a shuttle, didn't know how to steer it, I just floated around. I don't know where I got but eventually was found by another ship. I thought they would save me but instead… instead they… f*cking used me, then sold me as a slave. I didn't remain a slave for very long. I ran with gangs, I got tattooed, I became a pirate. I killed people, stole things, lived my life. I once crashed a spacestation into a hanarmoon, can you believe it? I joined a cult briefly, that's why my head is shaved."

Jack stopped briefly to check on how Belle was taking in all the information. The girl looked pale but still held Jack's hand with a determined grip and was still listening so Jack continued.

"Then I was captured again and brought to Purgatory, a Blue suns prison station, don't worry if you haven't heard of it. I got in trouble with some other prisoners, killed some of them. I was too much trouble to be kept awake so they put me in cryostasis and put me up for sale. Luckily for me, it was Shepard that came and bought my freedom and not some looser with too many credits on his hand. I woke up from cryostasis, brought the station to a halt and killed most of the crew. You can imagine my anger when I saw that the only way out of there was a Cerberus ship. I guess I'm almost working for them. " The last sentence was said with much anger. But Belle shook her head.

"We don't work for Cerberus, or Miranda," she said, "we work for Shepard.

…

In that moment Shepard was sitting on the edge of her bed with her face in her hand. Liara was sitting behind her, holding her and taking the blow of each sob that escaped from the sad commander.

"She tried to off herself, Liara," Shepard whispered, "…and I talked with her before! I did, I told her that Miranda was right. After everything she has been through and I told her…. I don't remember what I said but it was cruel and not right. It wasn't right!"

…

A few minutes later Jack slept, her tiredness fuelled by medication and emotional exhaustion. They hadn't talked anymore; both of them had run out of words. Belle was relieved that Jack hadn't asked anymore questions about where she got the scars from and Jack didn't want any comment on her life story. Being quiet suited both of them. Jack had eventually closed her eyes and started drifting to sleep. Belle stood up and stroke Jack's cheek one last time, surprised by the softness of it. Then she spun around and walked with angry steps towards the door. Belle didn't care it was in the middle of the night; she had to visit a certain Miranda Lawson.


	8. Chapter 8 - A moment

**Chapter 8 – A moment**

Belle pressed the button on Miranda's door, expecting it to be locked. To her surprise it wasn't and the door slid open. Miranda was sitting up in her bed, still awake, using an omnitool. When she heard her door opened and saw Belle her eyes opened wide in surprise.

"Sister Chakwas," she said, "what are you doing here?"

Belle went straight to the bed and tried to slap her but Miranda grabbed her arm to stop her. The angry girl quickly pulled her arm from Miranda's grip and started yelling.

"You knew," she spluttered, "you knew what Jack had been through and you still work willingly for Cerberus… you still _said those things to her. _She just wanted her pain and past to be acknowledged! Did you ever think about that? Huh, _miss Lawson?" _

The fire went out in Miranda's eyes and she looked down. _Oh boy, _she thought, _Jack has gotten herself a defender? _She looked up again and looked calmly into Belle's eyes.

"Sister Chakwas, I assure you I did not mean anything bad with my words. I simply don't think that it was truly Cerberus that did it. Cerberus saved my life, and the life of my sister. I owe everything to them. What happened to Jack was very… umm… _unfortunate. _But in this universe we live in, many bad things happen to good people. Jack came and threatened me in my own quarters yesterday; I retaliated, not knowing how hurt or distraught she was."

"Unfortunate?" Belle said in disbelief, "what happened to Jack was unfortunate?" Belle couldn't believe the coldness in Miranda's voice but most of all she couldn't believe that she had actually stormed all the way here and confronted her. Belle never confronted anyone. She had been so shocked by what Jack had told her, she had lots of pent up energy that she needed to get out.

Belle suddenly felt dizzy. Her vision became blurry.

"Sister Chakwas?" She heard Miranda say very far away. The room had started spinning. _Dammit, _Belle managed to think before everything went black and she hit the floor.

…

All of a sudden Jack was woken up from her sleep by steps. She opened her eyes, wondering how long she had slept and where Belle was.

"Dr Chakwas," Miranda's voice broke the silence in the medbay, "come here and retrieve your niece!" Jack turned her head and almost choked on her own breath at the view by the door.

Miranda was standing by the door, wearing boxers and a Cerberus t-shirt. In her arms she held a limp Belle. Jack forgot everything about not wanting to show that she was awake. She immediately jumped up and ran towards the women.

"What happened, bitch?" she hissed through her teeth.

Miranda rolled her eyes and then replied in her usual calm voice.

"I don't know what happened. I was woken up by a sound and outside my door she was. Just laying there, unconscious."

The doctor had now left her bedroom and gasped when she saw Belle.

"Belle!" She said, "what on earth has happened?" Miranda hurried to the gurney where Jack had been laying and put Belle on it.

"I found her unconscious," she said to the doctor who now had her datapad out, "I don't know what happened and her pulse seems fine."

Doctor Chakwas didn't reply and instead kept checking Belle and pressing buttons on her pad. Jack was still standing by the door, unable to move. She was finally up, like she had wanted but now couldn't make herself leave. She had to make sure Belle was okay before she left and returned to her own quarters and the safety of her hideout.

Dr Chakwas stopped her hasty movements and just shook her head.

"I think she just fainted," the doctor said with less worry in her voice, "it is her first time in space after all, and she has been quite upset today, with the attempted suicide and everything. She has hardly left Jack's side, not getting any rest of food. Perhaps it just got too much for her." Chakwas stood up straight and then realized that her real patient was up and walking. She turned around and eyed Jack with almost angry eyes. Jack sighed, realizing that Chakwas probably blamed her for Belle's sudden fainting. She opened her mouth.

"Hey, if everything is okay here I think I will go… thanks for patching me up and everything." She didn't wait for an answer and instead started to leave. But before she closed the door and looked at Miranda, noticing for the first time what the other woman was really wearing.

"Hey cheerleader," she said with a sneer and laughed when Miranda actually looked up, "do you sell those t-shirts by the door as souvenirs?" And with that, Jack left.

A few hours later EDI announced throughout the ship that Shepard was going after the Shadowbroker with Liara T'soni and that she requested Miranda and Garrus by the bridge. Jack was at first relieved that she didn't have to leave her space as her body was still hurting. But after a while she felt sad that there would be no fighting for her today. She had taken her bandages off now and seen the clean cuts she had made on herself. Jack was starting to plan for more tattoos, maybe right at her wrist to mark where they had been cut.

Sudden steps by the stairs brought her back to reality. It was Belle, off course, coming to check on her. Jack was happy to see that the girl was on her feet but didn't like that she was coming down to see Jack. _Belle is so stupid, _Jack thought, anger rising in her chest, did the girl not realize that she was putting herself in danger? Why did she come here? What did she think Jack had to offer her? Jack was angry at herself as well, for letting Belle make her feel something. Feelings would make her sloppy and being sloppy could kill her. And Jack did want to survive; the attempted suicide had just been a slight misstep. Jack stood up, deciding to try to scare the nurse away. She had done it before and she sure as hell could do it again.

"What are you doing back here, little girl?" she said in her usual cold voice. Belle looked up hurt. She thought they had come somewhere but apparently the biotic was back on square one. Something snapped in Belle and when she looked up and locked onto Jack's eyes, her eyes were pulsing with anger.

She took three quick steps to where Jack was standing and before giving Jack a chance to react she slapped her hard across the face. Then she started pounding on Jack's chest with her fist, not really doing any damage so Jack let her. Jack let Belle hit her, over and over. The girl started sobbing and continued hitting, but her little punches were getting weaker and suddenly she stopped and instead started screaming.

"How can you? How can you say and act the way you do? What's wrong with you? Violence seems to be the only thing you understand!" Belle slammed her fists into Jack's chest one last time and then leaned her head against them.

"Jack," she said, her voice filled with sadness, "I don't know what to do with you!"

_For fucks sake, _Jack thought to herself, _what have I done to her? _Jack had wanted to stop before she fell for Belle, now, too late, she started to suspect that maybe she should have worried about Belle falling for her.

"Belle," she said with a softness that felt strange in her mouth, "I'm sorry." The last words were just a whisper, but Belle heard them. She straightened up and stopped sobbing. She didn't know what to say; shocked at her own behavior and shocked at Jack's apology.

"Thank you," she said so quiet that it was hard for Jack to make it out. She moved away from Jack and sat down on Jack's cot, moving further in on the bed, leaning against the wall and letting her chin rest on the top of her knees. Jack also sat down, but still had her back to Belle. _Get a grip Jack, _she thought wondering how long it had been since she had had a cute girl in her bed. Jack didn't mind sleeping with both men and women but definitely preferred a cute warm girl…Jack got angry at the wicked thoughts that were forming in her head.

"Shit," she said softly and put her head in her hands. What was going on? There was sudden movement behind her and Jack felt a finger on her back. Moving, searching… Jack closed her eyes at the sensation. Belle was tracing the tattoos on her back. Moving up, down, left, right. Belle was moving her fingers ever so slowly. Jack was happy that all she was wearing was a leather strap. It gave Belle more places to put her fingers, because now Belle was using more than a finger. First she used her whole hand, then Jack felt Belles other hand. She had stopped tracing the tattoos and instead started to knead and stroke Jack's back. She went up to Jack's shoulders, touching her neck slightly and then proceeded to knead and work on her shoulders. Jack closed her eyes, sighing at Belle's touch. She had not expected this sudden show of affection but didn't complain. There was fire starting in the pit of her stomach and lower, Jack clenched her fists not wanting to move.

"What do they mean?" Belle suddenly asked. Leaving Jack's shoulders and again following with her finger the big Omega symbol that Jack had on her back. Jack opened her eyes and straightened up.

"They are my history, things I have lost, people I have killed. Things I am not allowed to forget."

"You have as many tattoos as I have scars," Belle said after a moment. She removed her hands, leaving Jack's back feeling cold. Scooting to the end of the bed, taking Jack's hand in hers. She stroked Jack's strong fingers. She sighed.

"It was my dad," she said, feeling Jack's gaze burn at the side of her face.

"When I was young my father got obsessed thinking that I wasn't his. You saw the picture, you saw my siblings. It is true that I don't look like them."

Jack remembered the photo, thinking about the family, she hadn't thought about the fact that Belle had stood out. Her red hair against the black hair on her siblings and parents.

"He would hit me, cut me, call me mean things. Punishment he called it, punishment for the rusty nail in his home. He never confronted my mother and she never talked about it. I was the big elephant in the room that no one would talk about. Once when I was thirteen he whipped my back until I lost consciousness. My mum didn't even try to stop him. I used to be so angry with her. But when I got into university and studied genetics I understood why. I'm not… his, I mean. I don't know who my father is, but the bastard who beat me my whole childhood isn't it. I still haven't told either of them; actually you are the first I have ever told."

"Where is he now?" Jack's biotics was starting to crackle along her skin. Belle felt in on her hand, it _tingled. _She pulled her hand away from her Jack's and said.

"Look at me," Jack reluctantly lifted her gaze, her eyes pulsing blue. When Belle had her attention she continued.

"It does not matter where he is now. You are not going to go after him, that's not why I told you."

"Why did you tell me?" Jack asked.

Belle shrugged and stood up. Jack, her eyes brown again, looked up in disappointment. Was Belle leaving?

"You know," she said and Belle looked at her, "we could steal a shuttle. Just leave everything. Stealing what we need, living like we want. You could patch me up if I got hurt and I could steel you pretty things." Jack's smile grew wide when she saw the blush spread on Belle's freckled face. Belle smiled a little.

"I have to go," she said, "I need to help my aunt prepare for Shepard's return." Jack nodded, watching Belle's back as the girl left. Jack laid down on her cot.

"Fuck!" she said to no one, "what have I gotten myself into?"


	9. Chapter 9 - In the middle

**Chapter 9 – In the middle of the sleepless night**

Belle couldn't sleep, which was usual. But she couldn't relax either. She could not focus on the book in front of her or the extranet links on the salarian common cold that she had opened on her datapad. She felt hot and cold in the same time. Her mind wandered to Jack, concluding that the biotic must be sleeping… Belle let her mind wander further. Wondering what Jack's reaction would be if Belle went downstairs and crawled into bed with her. Would Jack like that? Would she welcome Belle's intrusion? Belle started blushing at her thoughts and sat up. She was embarrassed, not used to such thoughts. The last thing Jack needed was Belle's schoolgirl crush.

Below the engineering deck Jack was awake. She had twisted and turned for most of the night but by now she had almost given up. She thought of Belle's light touch on her back. Jack thought about the girl, her long red hair, her green eyes, _so alive. _Her fingers at Jack's back, her fingers at Jack's neck, her fingers on Jack's shoulders… her _fingers._ Jack didn't know what to do with her sudden urge, she sat up, rubbed her eyes. She looked over at the stairway, hoping to see Belle. But Belle wasn't there. Belle was most likely in her bedroom, reading if she wasn't sleeping. Jack started playing with the thought of going there, wondering what Belle would do or say. But Belle shared bedroom with Dr Chakwas and even if Jack didn't really care, she knew that Belle probably would. Jack wondered if Belle had any experience, she seemed so inexperienced, so shy, so careful, Jack would be surprised if Belle wasn't a virgin.

Jack turned around again, feeling stupid. Belle would never want her anyway, she had nothing to offer. She needed to clear her head. She sat up and pulled her pants back on. She needed to walk, to move, to do something. She started pacing in her space, then sat down by her desk, took out the datapad and started writing.

Jack didn't write much, but when she did, she loved the feeling of words and expressions jumping out of her fingertips similar to biotic sparks. It might take a long time with her limited practice in writing. But she liked it. She logged on to the Cerberus system and sent her poem to Belle's inbox. She wanted somebody to read what she had written and Jack knew that Belle would read it; Jack knew that Belle would even understand it.

Belle was now pacing in her bedroom, still unsure of what to do with her overwhelming feelings. A beep from her datapad caught her attention and she picked it up. There was one message in her inbox, the first she had ever received as she didn't communicate with any of the crewmembers in that way. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw who it was from.

Jack's email didn't have the usual pleasantries of hello and good bye. All that was there was a poem.

Belle read it and then she read it again. When reading it a third time the words started to sink in.

_My soul_

_Burn_

_With a fire of darkness_

_Quenched only in the pain_

_Of loneliness_

_I hold my breath waiting_

_Until spots appear black as the past_

_And fill my lungs up with lies of hope_

_I mark myself_

_Black and jagged_

_To cover the scars_

_That make me a monster_

_A warning_

_This is not a place of honor_

_No esteemed dead are buried here_

Belle sighed at the line "that make me a monster". It hurt her that Jack thought she was a monster. Then Belle noticed that the message had been sent right now. _Jack is awake, _she thought and anticipation filled her. She wanted to go to her; she wanted to go to Jack's hideout more than she had wanted anything else before. But she couldn't, she wouldn't. Instead she went back to her bed, going through the poem in her head.

Jack fell to her bed, wanting another warm body next to hers, sadness clutching to her heart at the knowledge that there was none.

And the sleepless women lay, in different beds; burning with desire for each other.


	10. Chapter 10 - A secret is revealed

**Chapter 10 – A secret is revealed**

When Shepard had seen it on Illium she knew it was the best gift. So she had bought it, waiting for the right time to give it to her. Chakwas was now a dear friend and Shepard knew that she would appreciate the bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy. With Liara somewhat safe on Hagalaz, Shepard felt that it would be healthy and fun, to have a drink with an old friend.

She went into the medbay, nodding a hello to Belle who was cleaning some surgical knives, and turned to her friend.

"How may I help you commander?" The doctor said, sitting by her desk.

"I got a present for you doc," Shepard replied and smiled as she took out the bottle from behind her back.

"Serrice Ice brandy," the doctor exclaimed happily, "you didn't! Thank you! Why don't we open this bottle together, right here, right now?"

Shepard had hoped for that and turned to Belle.

"They are having some form of gathering in the mess hall; it seems fun if you'd like to join them."

Chakwas stood up and clapped her hands together.

"Oh, go and join them girl! Will put some color on your cheeks." Belle looked furiously at her aunt and reluctantly left her station. If her aunt and her commander wanted to be alone, they would get to. She took of her nurses' apron and left the room.

Shepard turned to Chakwas again.

"You crack open the bottle," she said, "I'll get the glasses."

…

Belle found a very joyful bunch in the mess hall. It was Kelly, Tali, Garrus, Donnelly and a bunch of other people, Belle was ashamed to admit she didn't know the names of. _No sign of Jack though_, she concluded disappointingly. Kelly looked up and noticed her friend.

"Belle!" she almost shouted with glee, "come here!" Belle walked over to where Kelly was sitting with Tali, Donnelly and Gaby Daniels.

Belle sat down carefully. There were many people there and crowds tended to make her nervous.

"What's going on?" she asked as casual as she could.

Donnelly laughed.

"The good commander told us to take a break," he said, "so we did!"

"Jack isn't here," Kelly told Belle when she saw her friends wandering eyes. Belle immediately lowered her gaze, a little bit ashamed that she was so see-through

"She doesn't socialize much, our murderer." Donnelly said and Gaby hit him on the arm.

"Here, have a drink!" Kelly offered Belle but the nurse shook her head.

"No thank you," she said and tried to smile, "I tend to stay away from alcohol as much as possible… I go funny…."

"Hey hey," Donnelly said and raised his own glass, "that's the point little miss!"

Belle looked down, wishing she wasn't feeling so awkward. She didn't drink, she couldn't, she had never tried and now at the age of 20 it had been blown out of proportion. She was scared of losing her inhibitions and had, to herself, promised never to drink.

Kelly was noticing that her friend was uncomfortable. She wondered why and nudged her side gently.

"Belle, are you okay?"

"Huh?" Belle looked up. She was feeling tired; hadn't slept at all for the past few days.

"I don't know Kelly, I think I'm just tired. I think that I will go back to my quarters and sleep instead." _If I can, _she thought but didn't say out loud. Most likely she was going to be kept awake by bothersome thoughts about a certain biotic. She stood up, nodded at the others and started making her way back to the medbay, not remembering that her aunt and Shepard had basically pushed her out of there.

…

"Oh Jenkins," Chakwas said with a smile, "soldiers like him make the alliance great!" The two women had been talking a great deal. Drinking and talking and just enjoying each other's company. It was nice to let of some steam. Especially since they both worked so hard.

"So, Chakwas," Shepard said after a silent moment, "why did you want your niece here? It is dangerous and Cerberus is not exactly the place for a young woman to get her first real job. I have a feeling there is something there that you are not telling me."

Chakwas stopped smiling and looked down. When she looked up again, her eyes were filled with tears. Shepard gasped.

"I'm sorry, doctor, I didn't mean…"

Chakwas held up her hands.

"No, no," she said, "your right. I will tell you… Many years ago I was working in an alliance hospital on earth. There was a man there, a soldier, a beautiful, beautiful man. We fell in love, got close, I got pregnant and he got killed." She waived her hands at Shepard's attempt to say something.

"No, no, I don't want pity. I have already gotten over him. The thing is, commander, I didn't want a child. I couldn't be a mother. I still resumed the pregnancy, not really knowing where it would lead. Eventually I gave birth in my hospital to a small baby girl. She was so tiny, so soft, but I didn't feel anything for her, not like a mother should. Then my sister-in-law called me in desperation, she had lost her baby. Without really thinking I told her we could fix it. My small baby could definitely pass for an early born one, especially to my engineer brother who knew nothing about babies. She went into the hospital, I tinkered with some files and a week after my baby had been born. No file said anything else than that I had delivered a stillborn and that Mary Chakwas had blessed her family with a beautiful girl named Isabella Chakwas."

A crash by the door made them turn around. By the door stood Belle, her eyes the size of planets, her mouth open. She had been to the library but the books that she had taken were now by her feet in a pile. She had dropped them when she had heard the truth.

Chakwas stood up at the sight of her.

"Belle!" she yelped and walked a few steps forward but Belle backed away.

"I will be back," Belle said in a dark voice, "just don't follow me!"

Belle turned around and left again, wondering where she was going to go. She couldn't think… she finally understood why her mom had never stopped her dad from hurting her. It was a guilty conscience, but not from an affair but a different form of betrayal. If she hadn't found out now, would anyone ever have told her?

Without realizing Belle's feet had led her to below the engineering deck.

Jack was lying on her cot as usual, but underneath her blanket trying to sleep. She had gotten a laughable message from Donnelly telling her to join some gathering in the mess hall. Jack of course hadn't even bothered to reply. She was quite comfortable where she was laying. She could feel that there would be a fight soon; she could feel it in her spine. She craved the fight; she needed it. She sighed and put an arm under her head.

She was _tired. _It had been several nights since she had slept well and when she had slept erratic dreams had drained her energy in a different way than she was used to.

She heard soft footsteps by the stairs and lifted her head. It was Belle. But not Belle as she usually was. Belle had a confused look on her face that made Jack's heart ache.

"Oh, I'm sorry for intruding," Belle said when she noticed that Jack was in bed.

"It's okay," Jack said, curious as to why Belle had come to visit her late, "is everything okay?"

Belle sighed and closed her eyes, she tilted a little to the side and looked like she was about to fall. She looked so tired.

"I…I recieved some bad news," she said and looked shyly at Jack, "could I sleep here?" Jack's eyes grew larger in surprise. Belle turned a darker shade of red.

"N…no," she stuttered, "I didn't mean… I… I just can't go back to my room right now. I am in need of a place to rest."

Jack eyed her carefully, trying to read Belle's expression. When she couldn't figure anything out, she nodded and moved closer to the wall, making space for Belle. Belle turned away from her, reached below her dress and pulled her tights off. She left her dress on, much to Jack's disappointment, and laid down next to Jack.

After a while Belle sat up, put her hand inside her dress and after some movement pulled her bra out from her sleeve, and then threw it on her tights that were lying on the floor.

"Sorry," she said out loud, "more comfortable this way."

They laid in silence for a few minutes, listening to each other breath. Jack eventually turned away from Belle and faced the wall, not trusting herself to lay still if she continued seeing the rise and fall of Belle's chest.

"Jack," Belle said after another moment of silence.

"Mmh," Jack replied sleepily.

"Are you ever scared, you know, before going into a fight?"

"No," Jack replied and then turned around again, she felt stupid to be talking with a wall. Belle moved her face so that they were facing each other. Belle felt her heart beat a little bit faster and hoped Jack wouldn't notice. They were so _close. _Barely two inches between their noses. Belle took the time to study Jack's lips; there was a little scar on left side, Belle wondered how she had never noticed that before. She felt her cheeks grow warm when wondering what it would be like to kiss that scar, and was happy that the room was dimly lit. When Jack started talking again, Belle could feel her breath on her face.

"I don't think about it that way," Jack said, attempting to answer Belle's question, "when I go into a fight, I go into it the same way I go into anything. I kill, I enjoy it, and I come out of it alive. There is no time for being afraid…" Jack was starting to feel a bit bothered by Belle's presence. She tried to think about other things but nothing could distract her better than the girl in front of her. She felt her breathing go faster.

"Jack," Belle said again, "would you mind sharing your blanket? It's a little bit cold…" That was a lie, Belle was actually feeling warm but she couldn't stop herself from asking. It was like her body was acting on instinct. She had asked before she had thought the thought.

"Um" Jack said, not knowing how to handle it, "I'm… sort of… I don't sleep with clothes on."

Belle looked away, feeling embarrassed. _What am I doing? _She thought.

"Okay," she said and made no movement. Instead she turned away from Jack.

"Hey," Jack said, "I don't mind sharing; I just thought you should know."

Jack was on fire. Her breathing was irregular and she almost had to clench her fists to not move. Not throw herself over the girl. _Stay cool, _Jack thought, _think of something else before you do something that you will regret. _

"Jack," a small voice woke Jack up from her thoughts, "would you like to kiss me?"

Jack gasped at Belle's question. She didn't know what to answer. Yes, of course she wanted to kiss Belle; but she didn't know if she could just stop at kissing.

"Have you kissed someone before?" Jack asked, curiosity getting the best of her.

Belle went quiet for a moment.

"Yes," she said after a while, "but not willingly so I don't know if it counts."

"You were kissed unwillingly?" Jack had to ask.

Belle giggled. The sound struck something deep within Jack's core.

"Yes, a friend of mine fell and her lips hit mine. I hardly think of it as a kiss, but it is still a fond memory. She is still one of my dearest friends. We always laugh at the memory."

_She is a virgin! _Jack thought, _crap, that makes it even worse!_

"Belle," Jack said, "there is nothing for you here. I have nothing to offer you. You have heard my story; you know what I have been through. You know that I'm a… I'm a fucking monster, Belle, and I don't want you near me."

Belle turned around again and to both their surprise took Jack's face in her hands.

"You think too much," she said, affection so clear in her voice. Then she leaned in and pressed her lips against Jack's.

Jack drowned. She clenched the sheet, not trusting herself to not move. She again felt angry with Belle for being so stupid. But then she relaxed, letting herself be kissed, reciprocating. Their kiss deepened and Belle opened her mouth hoping that Jack would take the kiss to new levels. Belle didn't know what to do and clearly wanted Jack to take the lead.

Jack wanted to take the lead, if only Belle knew, she wanted to rip Belle's dress from her body and touch her all over. She wanted Belle to have her arms around her neck, screaming her name, using her fingers for more than fighting. She wanted to investigate Belle's scars further, wondering what they would taste like against Jack's tongue. Jack wanted to take Belle, make the girl hers.

A sudden hand on her stomach. Belle's. The girl was still unsure but couldn't keep her hands to herself anymore. She wanted Jack desperately and was starting to feel frustrated as Jack was still not moving anything except for her lips. She wanted to explore other parts of Jack's body but didn't dare. She was also starting to wonder why Jack still hadn't touched her anywhere. With how quick Jack was to anger and violence, Belle had thought that seducing her would be easy. She forced to break the kiss

"Jack," she said, "why won't you touch me?"

Jack met her eyes. Brown eyes meeting emerald ones. Belle was surprised to see how sad Jack looked.

"I don't trust myself," Jack said, "you are so perfect, so pure, if I let myself go with you, I will hurt you, or corrupt you or most likely drive you away. I don't want any of that to happen."

Belle calmed her breath. Exploring her feelings about what Jack had just said. She didn't feel perfect or pure… she felt frustrated in a way she didn't was slowly driving her insane.

"Should I go?" she asked, avoiding the fact that there was nowhere else she could go or even wanted to be.

"No," Jack immediately answered, "of course not. I like you here, I just… I don't think we should keep kissing." It took every ounce of self-control that Jack had, and it wasn't a lot, for her to utter those words. In her head a devious voice was asking her if she was serious, if she was really going to deny herself a moment of release and relief.

Belle was disappointed but didn't argue. She put her hand under Jack's blanket again but didn't touch Jack; instead she just took her hand. She closed her eyes and without a warning, Belle fell asleep, hand in hand with Jack.

Jack felt Belle fall asleep but she wasn't tired anymore herself. She wondered when she had turned into such a pussy that she would say no to what was promising to be a good lay. Jack had even slept with enemies for crying out loud, so why was Belle such a problem? She brought Belle's hand up to her lips and kissed it. She didn't want to hurt Belle, and Jack knew that sex with her would hurt the girl.

She laid on her back, looking up at the pipes at the ceiling, not letting go of Belle's hand. She felt sleep coming for her to, but before she surrendered to it there was one more thing to do. She sat up and carefully pulled the blanket over the sleeping Belle.


	11. Chapter 11 - Bored and Restless

**Chapter 11 – Bored and restless**

When Jack woke up the first thing she noticed was how warm it was. Belle had moved and now had her arm around Jack's waist, her head on Jack's shoulder. Jack couldn't feel her arm; and it took her about a minute to notice why. Belle was lying on top of it. Sometime during the night the women had moved and were now laying in such an intimate way that it made Jack felt uncomfortable.

Belle was everywhere. Her scent was everywhere. Jack couldn't breathe. She carefully pushed Belle of her arm, crawled to the end of the bed and stood up. Her arm was regaining blood and she stretched it, hoping that the tingly feeling would go away. She walked over to her clothes that were lying on her desk. Pulled her trousers up, boots on and then fastened the strap that served as her top. Now, at a safe distance, Jack sat down on her chair and waited, watching her girl sleep. She thought about their kiss, how Belle's lips had felt, how she had smelled. It was clear to Jack now that Belle was not so easy to scare away; not that it wouldn't eventually happen. But Jack wanted Belle to get away with as little hurt as possible. If the nurse kept pursuing her however, Jack didn't know how long she could keep her cool.

Belle had slept wonderfully. She couldn't remember the last time that she had felt so rested. She started waking up and then remembered. She remembered Jack's lips, her refusal to touch her. Belle felt frustrated. Then she remembered why she was in Jack's bed in the first place. At once, she sat up. Jack was still sitting by the desk.

"Good morning," she said and Belle nodded but had no words. She remembered yesterday completely now. The secret that had been revealed, that her aunt was really her mom. The girl swallowed the emotional confusion, not wanting to cry yet again in front of Jack.

She pushed the blanket away and sat up. Rubbed her eyes. Jack chuckled at the sight, Belle was so cute. Her hair a mess, her cheeks red, her eyes still sleepy. She picked up her tights and started putting her clothes back.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," she said without looking at Jack.

"Don't worry about it."

"Good, I won't," Belle felt irritated about how casual Jack seemed about it, not knowing that even as they were talking Jack was having a hard time stopping herself from getting up and kissing the girl violently.

"I have to go," Belle said, trying to not show irritation in her voice, "I still have to deal with the bad news I received yesterday."

"Oh yeah! What was it?" Jack asked. She could almost kick herself for not remembering. But she had been distracted by Belle's warm body next to her own she had completely forgotten why she was there in the first place.

Belle shook her head, now fully dressed. She started combing through her head with her fingers in swift movements and then braided her messy her.

"Oh, you know," she said in a casual voice, "just me finding out that my aunt is actually my mother. You know nothing out of the ordinary."

Jack looked up in surprise. Belle smiled, it was a little bit shaky, but a smile nonetheless.

"I know," she said, "I got angry at first but then all the pieces fell into place. It's like I knew… I mean, I didn't know that the doctor was my mother but I think I always knew Mary and Arthur weren't my parents." Belle finished braiding and pushed her braid to her back.

"I think I'm going to go back now. Maybe take a shower, have some breakfast. Maybe even speak to my aunt-mother if I run into her, which I will sooner or later."

"Will you be okay?" Jack asked and Belle smiled. A kind smile, an affectionate smile. Jack wondered if Belle ever smiled like that to anyone else.

"I will be fine… thank you," and with that she was gone.

Jack stood up. Went to her bed. Laid down. The cot still smelled of her. Jack sighed, closed her eyes, felt warm. How long had it been, she wondered, for one single girl to have such an effect on her… Jack contemplated giving herself some relief; maybe it would ease some of the tension that was building in the pit of her stomach.

Heavy steps in the stairs made Jack sprung up, hiding her hand behind her back. It was Shepard. _Damn, _Jack thought, _talk about inconvenient. _She made sure to sound extra nasty when she opened her mouth.

"What do you want?!"

…

It was a mission of course, what else? Jack didn't listen to the name of the planet, or what they were supposed to do there. Details like that bored her. She just wanted to throw herself into the fight, kill whatever came in her way. It was just what she needed.

It was a good fight to, Jack concluded when they were on their way back. They had worked themselves, Shepard, Jack and Garrus, through a facility on a Krogan planet called Korlus. They hadn't recruited the krogan scientist that Shepard had hoped for; instead they had taken some kind of tank with them. Jack had seen the tank and knew that there was a krogan in it, but she wasn't sure of the specifics. She didn't have to and so she didn't bother her energy with it.

Back on the ship, they were greeted with sheers and hugs. Jack didn't get a hug but did see a glimpse of Belle at the back which was better than any hug or "well done".

When the cheers died down and people returned to their duties, Jack pulled away and went down to her space below the engineering deck. She had thought that the fight would satisfy her but the tension was still there. She was no longer content in just waiting, biding her time. The woman didn't want to hide anymore. She was bored, she was restless. She longed back to the few happy months she had had before being incarcerated. Hadn't they been good? Well, no, not really Jack concluded, she hadn't been happy. Ever. Jack was almost shocked by her realization. She didn't have a single happy memory… Her whole life had been one long fight, one long battle. There was no rest for her in her past, no happy memories to cling to, and most likely there would be none in the future.

But she did prefer being free, instead of stuck on this crappy piece of metal, at least it beat being incarcerated in cryostasis.


	12. Chapter 12 - Jack's fighting dance

**Chapter 12 – Jack's fighting dance**

Belle was sitting in a shuttle next to Commander Shepard. In front of her sat Jack, Garrus and Grunt. The shaky movements of the shuttle brought waves of nausea through Belle's whole body. She did not like this form of travel, and she wondered what she had gotten herself into.

A few hours earlier there had been a distress call from a human planet. Apparently there had been a sudden outbreak of the cancer known as Pineaus Zero, a form of cancer that commonly developed from a long exposure to element zero.

"Bring the nurse," the Illusive Man had said, "see if you can treat at least some of the population. Give them some medicine and then there are some files I want you to pick up. It is about the collectors."

At first Dr Chakwas had been against the idea, even though Belle had done her university thesis on Pineaus Zero and the genetic effects of element zero in the womb. Shepard, however, wanted to take Belle with them. If the girl was set on a future within the alliance or other militant group, she needed to see some action.

…

Belle had wanted to go. She felt safe with the capable people around her. With Shepard and Jack by her side she felt like nothing could touch her. She was also excited to see something other than the insides of the ship and she had been proud that Shepard actually thought she could be of help. Belle was determined to prove that she could be useful and professional in pressing situations.

But nothing could have prepared her for the myriad of dead people they met on the planet. They arrived in the middle of a was filled with dead or dying people. _There were so many and they were everywhere_. Lying in the street, moaning, hardly human anymore with the big tumors in their face and on their bodies. Others were dead, just decaying where they were.

Belle didn't know where to look, scared that she might throw up. She swallowed down hard, fighting back tears. Then she felt stupid, she had wanted to go, she needed to deal with it.

Shepard saw the girl's anxiety and went up next to her.

"Don't worry," she whispered to Belle, "It freaks me out to. Just keep your calm, try to help and you will be fine, and so will the people you help."

Belle looked up at her, feeling a bit relieved. If the great commander got freaked out by things it didn't feel as bad if it stirred her to.

The street finished and they left the moaning, dying people behind. Belle had injected some people with medicine but had reluctantly felt that it would have been more merciful to kill them. They were dying too fast and the medicine wouldn't help.

The group continued walking up a hill, towards a couple of caravans that stood on top of it. A research team had worked there and according to the illusive man, that is where Shepard would find the files on the collectors.

"Let's spread out," Shepard said, "Jack, Grunt watch the perimeter, Garrus come with me, Chakwas you go and check if anybody here needs your assistance."

As the group spread out, Belle chose the smallest caravan and entered. There were two people in lab-coats on the floor, their deformed bodies entwined as if they had hugged each other to protect themselves from death. Belle's heart broke at the sight but kneeled beside them. At least she could do some sampling.

A crash behind her made her turn around. There was a big figure by the door. It was…_human…_ but blue and shining. Belle gasped when the realization hit her, _it was a husk! _She jerked up and took a step backwards. She heard gunfire from the outside; then the husk charged at her. Belle screamed, and only managed to think: _this is when I die!_

BAM! The husk's head was shot off, the body fell down. It was Shepard, arriving in the nick of time to save her.

"Come on," her commander said and offered her hand. She helped Belle down from the caravan and then the two of them started walking to the shuttle that was now hovering just above the hill that they were located.

While they were quickly walking, Belle couldn't help but look around her. To her left Grunt and Garrus were shooting a bunch of husks that seemed to arrive out of nowhere. _Then Belle noticed Jack._

Whenever people said that Jack was born to fight Belle hadn't understood what they meant, but now she saw it. Jack was shining blue, biotics pulsing around her. She fought with her whole body, shooting balls of biotics, jumping, pulling the head of a husk with her hands. When Jack fought, it looked like a dance. _She is beautiful, _Belle thought breathlessly, _so alive, so filled with vitality. _Belle had never seen her biotic look so happy before, so at peace.

"Let's go" Shepard said. Belle felt Turian-hands grab her waist and help her up the shuttle. Garrus jumped up after her and the Grunt joined them to.

"Jack, come on!" Shepard shouted and waited for Jack. Jack was still fighting, so caught up in it. She loved it, didn't want to stop.

Belle looked out from her seat and gave a questioning look to Garrus. He shook his head and chuckled.

"That's our psychotic…" he said, "she always does this. I think it gets her off. "

Jack gave one last punch and then went for the shuttle with three quick steps. Shepard jumped up after her, she liked being the last one up, making sure her crew made it back.

Jack sat next to Belle, her eyes glazed over, panting, sweating. She lifted her gaze and met Belle's curious eyes. Jack smiled; a crazy wicked smile that made Belle worried for the biotic's mental health.

_Jack was on a high… she was insanely happy and didn't even notice the blood that was running in a steady flow on the side of her face. Everything was a blur. Everything except Belle. Jack wanted to ask the girl if she was alright, but she didn't have presence for it. All she could do was smile, so she did._

When the crew arrived at the Normandy they were all tired. Shepard wanted to go and make a call to Liara, like she always did after a fight, Grunt and Garrus walked down the hall discussing the fight. Eventually it was only Belle and Jack left.

"I'm going to go," Jack said quietly, wondering what was going on inside the head of the girl, but received no answer from Belle. She just stood there, not moving. Then when Jack started walking, the girl followed. They walked in silence, neither of them speaking.

When they arrived below the engineering deck, Jack sat down on her cot. Her head was spinning, excitement rolling through her in waves. Belle sat down on her knees in front of her, reached up and removed the jacket that the biotic had been wearing.

Jack felt a warm wet cloth on her forehead, she didn't even know where Belle had gotten it from.

"Why are you cleaning me?" she asked, still looking down on the floor; not daring to breathe.

"You were bleeding," Belle answered, sounding far away. They had still not faced each other. Belle was now drying Jack's head with a dry cloth, then stopped, put it down on the bed.

She reached up again with her left hand and put her hand to Jack's face, traced the outline of Jack's jaw. Belle passed briefly with her thumb over the scar that Jack had to the side of her lip.

Jack closed her eyes, shaking inside.

"Fuck," she whispered.

Belle smiled, but the other woman couldn't see it due to her eyes being closed. Belle closed her eyes as well, feeling herself blush. She swallowed, trying to pluck up courage to continue.

"You are sexy when you fight," she said softly, shyly; Jack didn't move so she continued, "please, let me make you feel good." Jack still didn't move.

Belle stood on her knees and leaned in. Took Jack's silence for consent. She leaned over her biotic and kissed her on the shoulder, then the other shoulder. She moved down, kissed Jack's collarbone, kissed along the skeleton tattoo on the top of Jack's chest. Then Belle did something she had wanted to do for weeks and kissed over Jack's chest, wishing that Jack wasn't wearing her leather straps. She did not dare to remove it… _There will be another time for that, _Belle thought for herself, _at least I hope so._

Jack was still not moving, she just clutched the side of her bed, so tense. She sighed as Belle was moving down, kissing a trail along Jack's belly. _What is the girl doing?_

Jack sighed when she felt Belle's hands on her trousers, undoing them, attempting to pull them down. Jack fell on her back, lifting her bottom, letting Belle pull her trousers off. Belle then continued to kiss and bite gently on the inside of Jack's thigh.

"Belle!" Jack gasped when Belle suddenly hit home. It was more careful than Jack was used to, calm gentle strokes that made it clear that it was truly Belle's first time. Belle was tasting her, taking her time, not sure where to go; she only had the moans and gasps coming from Jack to guide her.

Belle suddenly felt a hand on head, then a firm hold on her hair, holding her in place. Jack was moving now, gasping at every stroke.

Suddenly Jack's legs went up, around the Belle's neck, pushing her closer. She gasped and her eyes flashed blue for a moment. The reaction almost frightened Belle who was not prepared for Jack's sudden movement, but she didn't stop and let Jack ride out the waves of emotion that the biotic was experiencing.

After a while Jack stopped shuddering and put her legs down again. Belle stood up, wiped her mouth and laid down next to her girl. She felt happy, sort of bubbly inside. Happy that she could make the heartless biotic reduced to a shuddering mess.

Jack was now completely still, her eyes still closed, taking long calm breaths. She wanted to return the favor to her girl, but didn't find the strength to get up; instead she just laid there, letting Belle touch her. Belle was enjoying herself, having Jack relaxed, letting the girl explore her. Belle wanted to learn the pattern of ink by heart, but it seemed like every time she looked there was a new inky symbol on the body of the woman that she hadn't noticed before.

They lay in silence. Not sleeping, just thinking; Jack still trouser less. Eventually Belle had to break the silence; she had to talk, needed to use her voice. She said the one thing that came to her mind.

"How old were you when you escaped?"

Jack opened one eye, looking suspiciously at her.

"I still don't know how old I am today," she closed her eyes again, "but I know it has been 16 years since I ran. That's all I know. That's all I care about, the more years between me and s…_subject zero_ the better, the more whole I hope to feel."

Jack sat up, rubbed her eyes. Belle followed her, sat up and leaned her head on Jack's shoulder, letting her hair flow over Jack's chest like a waterfall. When Jack had escaped Teltin, Belle had been four years old. Jack must be older than she had thought.

They remained in silence for a little longer.

"I blew it up," Jack said, "The day I…winded up in the medbay." Belle took the information in slowly.

"I wish I would have been there with you," she said after a while but Jack shook her head angrily.

"I don't want you anywhere near that place."

They continued sitting down. Belle's head on Jack's shoulder, their backs against the wall. Jack found that she liked it; the fire inside her had been temporarily satisfied by Belle's treatment. Now it was just… _cozy, _for the lack of a better word. _Dammit, _Jack thought, but still smiled. She wasn't angry, she was comfortable.

Belle took Jack's hand, started playing with it, traced the length of her fingers… she found herself wanting them inside her, wondering what it would feel like. Wondering how it would be to let Jack have her way with her, how she would move, what she would do. Belle was determined to find out.

Jack broke the silence, whispering.

"I feel whole when I'm with you…"

Belle looked up at her smiling. When Jack saw the girl's expression she blushed furiously.

"Don't read too much into it," she said sharply and Belle put her head back on Jack's shoulder. But she did not stop smiling.

Like that the psychotic and the insomniac sat until EDI announced that Belle was needed in the medbay.


	13. Chapter 13 - Jack's plan

**Chapter 13 –Jack's plan**

"Hey, little girl, wake up!"

Belle felt hands grabbing her shoulders, shaking her lightly. She tried to open her eyes, hearing her aunt's voice.

"Really, Jack this is hardly appropriate!" _Jack, _Belle thought, _is Jack here? _

She pushed herself up on the elbows, squinting her eyes. It was her biotic alright, standing next to her with a hurried look in her eyes.

Dr Chakwas had now gone up and was walking towards them. She didn't see the urgent look on Jack's face. Jack was adamant, she needed to show Belle something and no pesky doctor was going to… Jack jerked around when the doctor put her hand on Jack's arm. When Chakwas saw Jack's face she almost got scared, but only almost, Jack was not the worse she had seen.

Belle was now awake and quickly jumped up. She took a hold of Jack's arm and pulled her away from Chakwas. She had seen Jack's eyes and she knew what her biotic was capable of.

"I got it aunt," she said and then turned to Jack, "Jack, what's wrong? Why are you here?"

Jack pulled her hand away from Belle and crossed her arms over her chest. She was happy that the doctor had now moved away from her; this was not a day to get on her nerves. Jack had a mission and before it was completed she would not allow any interruptions.

"Belle?" the doctor looked worried at her daughter, "I think I'm going to go and talk with the commander."

Jack turned around, looking predatory.

"You do that, _doctor," _she said sharply and then turned her attention back to Belle. Belle was now standing, her arms also crossed at her chest. As much as she liked Jack she did not appreciate being awoken the few times she actually managed to sleep, and she definitely did not appreciate that Jack had almost threatened Dr Chakwas.

"Get dressed," Jack said, "we have somewhere to go."

"Why?" Belle spat, furious that Jack thought that she could just give an order like that, "you can't order me!"

Jack's disposition softened and sighed. She knew that she was behaving crazier than usual, but she had to get Belle ready. _They had to go now otherwise she would lose her nerves._

"I'm sorry Belle," she said and actually lowered her head in shame, "I have something really important to show you. We have docked at the citadel and… why aren't you getting dressed? I don't give a crap if you go out like that, hell I like the view, but I have a feeling you'd mind." With that Jack gave a smirk and let her gaze follow the outlines of Belle's body. Belle was only wearing an almost see-through white top that went to her knees and at Jack's words she felt herself blush. But she was still upset with the biotic and was in no mood for Jack to see her naked. So after much trouble she made Jack wait outside while she got changed.

"Otherwise I'm not coming," was her argument and to her surprise the convict reluctantly agreed. _I'm only complying because there is no time; _Jack thought to herself but was also slightly relieved that she would not see Belle naked now. The biotic had a feeling that if she saw Belle naked now they would never leave, and that no doctor nor Shepard nor collector would be able to stop Jack from making Belle hers.

Eventually Belle showed up and Jack's mouth almost dropped open. She had never seen the nurse this way. Her hair was held up, all silky and inviting. She was wearing a tight but proper black dress and over it a small blue coat. She looked so… Jack was at loss for words… _adult, elegant. _

"Why do you look so…?" she didn't continue her question but instead gestured her hand at what Belle was wearing.

Belle smiled.

"Is that Jack language for 'you look nice'?" she giggled lightly, "We are at the citadel, you said. Important people are here, important people that know my parents. I don't want to embarrass them."

Jack snorted but didn't voice her thoughts. She thought it was pathetic that Belle cared about embarrassing the people who had given her so much grief but Jack held her mouth. She had to act carefully today if it was going to go according to her plan.

She lifted her chin up and flashed a sly grin.

"You always look good enough to eat, now come on!"

Apart from a quick talk with Commander Shepard, Jack was quite satisfied with how fast she had been able to get them out of Normandy. She had woken up when EDI had announced their arrival at the citadel and since then she had only had one thought.

"Where are we going?" Belle tried to ask Jack who was walking with confident fast steps through the crowd. Belle wasn't familiar with this part of the citadel and Jack was walking so fast. Jack didn't look back or answer her question either, she just kept walking with the girl almost running behind her.

"Jack!" Belle eventually screamed out. She didn't like where they were heading. Shady buildings, worn down houses. There were children, running around; dirty little things, with sad hungry eyes. Belle knew that they had reached the citadel slums, but she couldn't understand why Jack had brought her there. She didn't like it; she felt so out of place. Jack on the other hand, fitted right in. The biotic liked it here, it was more honest, not the fake illusion that resided in the "better" areas of the citadel.

Suddenly Jack stopped, it was so sudden that Belle had not expected it and almost walked into her. They were standing in front of a building that was more worn down than the others. Jack spun around and grabbed Belle's shoulders and put her face very close to Belle's.

"If something happens to me, or you for some reason can't stay with Shepard on the Normandy… _If Cerberus comes after you_… You come here. "She grabbed Belle's wrist and motioned her towards the building, pointing out all the landmarks. Jack clearly wanted her to remember the location.

"Don't trust anyone, but the people here, they can help for credits. So if anything happens, you grab money and run." Belle looked at her bewildered, whatever she had been expecting, it wasn't _this_.

"Jack, I…" she started saying but Jack interrupted her.

"If I can't protect you… I need to know that you can take care of yourself. Promise!" The last word almost sounded like a threat.

"Jack…" she tried again and the convict grabbed another hold of her shoulders, shook her once.

"Promise!"

"I promise," she said, nodded and Jack let go of her shoulders. Now in retrospect the biotic was sure that her held on Belle's shoulders had been too hard. She had probably left bruises.

Belle looked down, breathless, her shoulders aching. She had noticed Jack's eyes, the emotion, the fear, the sadness. Belle looked up again. Jack was standing a few meters away, clearly shook by her own behavior.

Jack couldn't think. The horrible realization had crept up on her more and more for the past days, the realization that she wouldn't always be able to protect Belle. Jack didn't know why but she couldn't bear the thought of something happening to her. She needed to make Belle self-reliant. The world was a hard cold place and Belle was so fragile sometimes.

Jack hadn't noticed that Belle moved closer. A warm hand came up to her cheek, wiped off the one tear that had crossed Jack's cheek. Small lips, trying to soothe Jack's trembling ones.

"I will be fine, I have been survived a lot already," Belle said, reaching up and pressed her cheek against Jack, whispering, "but if I have a choice I'd rather have you with me."

Belle kissed her again, softly, on the lips. Jack almost reclined, not used to such soft displays of affection. She was the psychotic; she did not get kissed that way.

Belle took a step back and looked up at Jack's face.

"Now," she said in her normal voice, "I have done what you asked. Can we do what I want now?"

"What?" Jack never agreed to anything if she didn't know what it entailed.

"My sister lives and works here, I was thinking we could go and visit her?"

"You want to introduce me to your sister?" Jack couldn't believe her ears… when had their relationship matured to the part of introductions?

Belle giggled.

"Not like that," she said and actually punched Jack's shoulder lightly (making Jack put a mental note to teach Belle some self-defense later because that punch didn't hurt, not even a little) "I want to meet my sister, you can come along."

They returned to the nicer parts of the citadel, Belle from time to time pointing at something, retelling a memory. She had spent a lot of times on the citadel as a child and she was happy to be back. She liked the meld of different races, people and cultures, how you could meet almost anyone or find anything. But now, she wanted to find Beatrice.

Beatrice and Belle hadn't always seen eye to eye, even though Belle had always craved the affection and acceptance from her older sister. Her sister, however, had always blamed Belle for their family life and always claimed that it was Belle fault their dad turned into such a monster. The young woman had been happy that the cold man she grew up with wasn't her real father, but she still craved sisterhood.

"Oh, here it is!" Belle suddenly turned to the left and walked through the door of a skyscraper with Jack behind her. She walked over to the man at the reception.

"Nurse Isabella Chakwas here for Miss Beatrice Chakwas." The man started flipping through some files, searching for the roomnumber. _Isabella? _Jack thought, she hadn't known that Belle was a nickname. It was the biotic's turn to feel out of place, the lobby of the building was light, fancy, filled with colour. Jack fitted better out on the battlefield.

"Yes, miss," the man eventually said, "take the elevator to the 11th floor, I have notified Miss Chakwas that you are coming."

"Jack," Jack turned her head at the mention of her name, "let's go."

Inside the elevator, the air around Belle changed. She stared at her reflection in the elevator mirror, trying to smooth her hair even further, wiping away some crinkles on her skirt. She took her jacket off, put it back on; when she was about to take it off again, Jack stopped her.

"What are you doing little girl?" she asked, but not mockingly.

Belle shook her head, leaving the jacket on.

"Beatrice makes me jumpy… you will soon see why." Belle whimpered when the elevator stopped; by now she had completely forgotten why she had thought visiting Beatrice was a good idea.

The doors slid open; they walked out and suddenly stood face to face with a black haired beauty.


	14. Chapter 14 - Rusty

**Chapter 14 – Rusty **

The woman who met them was taller than Belle, even taller than Jack. She had long black hair and her eyes were emerald just like Belle's but there the resemblance ended. Beatrice was colder, clearly older and her mouth had a cruel touch.

"Rusty!" She said, walked slowly over to Belle and kissed her on the cheek. Jack saw right through her, so fake. And what was she doing calling Belle Rusty?

"Bea," Belle said and returned the kiss, but her joy was genuine.

Beatrice invited them into her apartment, told them to sit down. Went to make some tea. Belle sat down on the sofa but Jack continued standing up. She leaned on the wall, not feeling comfortable enough to sit down.

Belle's sister returned with a tray. She looked up at Jack, faking grace with an elegant gesture towards the sofa. But the biotic remained where she was, not even answering.

Beatrice chuckled in surprise and turned to Belle.

"God," she said in a bitchy high pitched voice, "really Rusty, you managed to find a bigger freak than yourself," then she continued in a lower voice, "I didn't think that anyone could stand all those ugly scars you have!"

"Hey!" Jack yelled, standing up straight, in a second pulsing blue. She was insulted, but not for her own sake but rather for Belle. The girl didn't do herself anything, just remained seated; she did lift her head though and looked at Jack.

"Please Jack," she pleaded and then turned to her sister, "don't say such thing Bea." That was all, then she turned her head down again. Didn't look at anyone, just poured herself some tea and started drinking it with calm sips.

Jack backed down again, she had to clench her fists in order to not send a bolt of biotic energy, pinning the nasty woman to the wall. She leaned back, wanted to leave but couldn't. She had to stay, had to make sure Belle was okay.

Beatrice sat down as well, poured herself a cup and started talking. And oh she could talk. She told about random events, things she hated about the citadel. How their brother was, how their parents were but she always came back to complaining about Belle.

Belle was like a different person, she didn't answer, she just sat there letting Bea's unpleasant insults wash over her. Jack listened and understood. This wasn't her Belle, the woman she had gotten to know during the past few weeks, Belle who acted so professional and confident in the medbay. Who never dared to argue with anyone. A girl who had returned to Jack, again and again, drawing her out of her shell even when Jack had hurt her.

This was Rusty, an abused girl, a girl who had such a bad conscience that she took abuse still today. She was the answer to Jack's subject zero. The only difference was that Jack's past had made her hard, impenetrable; Belle's past had made her soft, emotional and even willing for more abuse. Jack woke up from the thoughts in time to hear Bea's complaint.

"And mom is so sad! I can't believe you still haven't written or called."

Jack stood up. She had seen enough and she was not leaving without her girl.

"Belle," she said. Bea looked up, annoyed, she had clearly forgot that Jack was there, "I'm leaving. You are as well. Come on. We are not staying here another fucking minute."

Bea stood up, squinted her eyes.

"I'm sorry, my sister just arrived. You are welcome to leave, in fact please do. But _Belle _stays here."

But Belle had stood up as well, she slowly lifted her gaze and mouthed to Jack. 'Help'. Jack knew what she had to do. She walked over to Belle and grabbed her hand.

"Get out of our way, bitch," she screeched and pulled Belle with her. They pushed their way past Bea, Jack actually forcing the door open with a biotic ball.

When they got into the elevator Belle broke down. She started sobbing uncontrollable and actually threw herself at Jack, wrapping her arms around the biotics neck and pushed her face against her neck.

"I'm sorry you had to see that Jack," she sad and backed away a little, drying her eyes with the back of her sleeve. Jack saw to her relief that Belle was getting back to her normal self.

"Shit, come on Belle, you need a drink!"

They went to Flux. Jack had been dying to try out the place since she had heard it opened and it did seemed promising when the beat of constant music could be heard even outside the club. They went inside, found a table. Belle was still a little bit shocked so Jack told her to sit down at a table and then she went to get the drinks.

Jack leaned over the bar, raising two fingers and the barman. Ordering the drinks, paying the barman. She looked over to where Belle was sitting. Her girl was sitting uncomfortable, leaning back in her chair, clearly trying to fit it. She was looking at the people on the dance floor. Jack chuckled, she liked seeing Belle so out of her comfort zone. _She's adorable, _she thought and then the drinks arrived.

When she came back to the table, Belle had removed her coat and pulled her sleeves up, revealing a long scar on her left arm. Jack didn't mind scars; god knows she had them herself. She put the drinks down on the table and sat down next to Belle.

Jack started drinking; she loved the feeling of alcohol burning her throat as it went down. She made a gesture towards Belle.

"Drink, it will do you good!"

Belle looked down at her drink, the swirling green liquid. It promised of experiences yet to be had. It promised to make her forget. She looked over at Jack, her biotic. Jack's eyes looked wild, almost glazed over, like after a fight. _Gosh, she is sexy, _Belle managed to think, then she lifted the glass and took it all in.

…

_Jack was moving closer, fueled by alcohol. Her hand on Belle's thigh, moving upwards. But it was Belle who initiated. Suddenly her lips were on Jack's, her hand on the back of Jack's neck, pulling her close. With a moan Jack pulled Belle unto her lap, kissing her ferociously, both women forgetting they were in public._

_ Jack, Belle had moaned her name. We can't stay here, need to go. I need you. I want you now. Have waited too long…_

_ Normandy. No, Normandy too far. I need you now, if we walk now the fire will go away. _

It wasn't Jack's first time in public, she knew what to do. She stood up, and offered her hand to the girl. Belle took it, swaying as she stood up. She could hardly breathe, so excited, anticipation boiling.

Jack led the girl into the women's restroom, quickly checking if anyone else was there and then barred the door with a chair. Belle wasn't thinking, all she felt was a pounding in her head, chest and stomach which only got worse when Jack looked at her.

"I want you Jack," Belle panted.

"I bet you do," Jack replied and pounced on the girl.

Their rhythm was so fast, crashing into each other.

"Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack," Belle was moaning her name over and over; her nails now digging into Jack's back. Belle's moaning was now so loud that she worried but Jack liked it.

"Scream for me," she said and pushed her fingers deeper, causing Belle to writhe beneath her touch. She bit down on Jack's shoulder, probably leaving a very clear bite mark. In her high Belle had enough presence to think; _good, now everyone will know she is mine. _Then climax came crashing down around her.

Afterwards Jack washed her hands and kissed Belle's bruised lips. Belle was still clinging to her, not wanting to break the contact.

"How are you?" Jack asked and Belle blushed, looking down. Not wanting to face Jack after seeing her shoulder and back, their encounter so visible on Jack's almost naked torso. Jack wondered what the girl was looking at and turned around, a huge grin forming when she saw it.

"You marked me," she said, "I guess I'm yours now." Belle felt a new rush of fire move through her body in a wave at Jack's words.

"I like you Belle," Jack continued in a husky voice, "and I hope that I didn't hurt you so much that we can't do this again. Because now that I know what a good lay you really are I am going to want to do that often."

Belle still looked down and Jack smiled. Then she walked over to the girl and hugged her, pulling the girl's head to her chest.

"I like you Belle," she whispered, "you will be okay. Come on, let's get back to Normandy." Then she kissed Belle on the forehead.

Belle finally met Jack's eyes. She nodded.

And the women left, hand in hand, glancing and smiling at each other.


	15. Chapter 15 - A series of conversations

**Chapter 15 – A series of conversations**

It was later. When they had returned to the Normandy Belle couldn't bear to go back to the medbay. Jack had agreed, not wanting her far away either. Instead they had gone below the engineering deck.

They fell together on Jack's hard cot, not wanting to be further away from each other than skin to skin contact. This time it had been slower, gentler, less desperate. Belle finally got to run her hands and tongue over Jack's bare chest and Jack had gotten to trace all the scars on Belle's torso.

Afterwards they lay in silence, listening to the hum of the engines, still naked. Jack had her head resting on Belle's lower abdomen; Belle had her left hand on Jack's head, and the other under her own head, creating a pillow. Both women felt happy and Belle felt complete in a way that she hadn't thought possible. However there was something on her mind.

"I'm not weak," the girl said suddenly, "that's not why I take the things that Beatrice says to me. It is not weakness; in a way, I think of it as my strength. I used to defend myself, cry, scream, cause a fuss, I didn't want to face the injustice life has thrown at me. It's my strength that I can take their words without reacting, without satisfying my sister that wants to break me. As long as I don't cry in front of them I still am not defeated."

Jack let a breath escape her. It was obvious that this was important to Belle, that she didn't want to seem weak. Jack knew that Belle wasn't weak. She had grown up in hell, just like Jack (and Miranda but Jack and Belle didn't know that) and she had gotten out. She had gotten out and even though her family could still hurt her she would never let them know, in that way Belle was free and she needed Jack to know that. That Belle didn't need rescuing.

Jack didn't reply right away, instead she just turned her face and quickly kissed just below Belle's belly-button. The biotic did not understand Belle's way of thinking; she couldn't, not with her own vengeful mindset. And perhaps she didn't need to.

"Your sister needs a fucking beating," she just said after a while.

Belle shook her head and put her hand teasingly over Jack's mouth. She didn't want Bea beaten up, _not really_, but Jack's words still made her smile.

"Don't say such things," she said and gasped a little when Jack playfully bit the inside of her hand, "as bad as she is to me I can almost understand it. She was eight-years-old when I joined the family and clearly remember how things got successively worse. Of course it is easier to blame me, the rusty nail, than seeing what a monster her father became."

Jack removed herself from her warm position, sat up and eyed Belle intriguingly. It did not make sense to her how Belle had almost forgiven everyone, just like that. Jack was so filled with anger; there was no room for any forgiveness for anyone. But then again, her torture had been worse than Belle's. Her torture was the thing that had made her into the monster she was today.

She dived down and resumed her old position, putting her head back on Belle's belly, liking how the girl sighed joyfully when she got closer.

…

"I'm hungry," Belle suddenly voiced out loud, "can't we go up to the mess hall and eat something?"

Jack mumbled something in reply, not wanting to get dressed and definitely not wanting to leave her warm spot.

"Oh, come on, I'm starving," Belle tried again and reluctantly Jack agreed. _We are at least docked at the citadel, _Jack thought_, most people will be on shore leave, maybe the mess hall will be empty. _

The mess hall was quite empty, apart from one alone commander sitting at one of the tables. When Jack and Belle emerged into the room, their commander waved to them.

"Please sit here," she yelled, a little too loud. Belle looked at Jack, who after half a minute grudgingly nodded.

Almost everyone was off the Normandy this night. Even Joker. And the commander felt lonely, she missed Liara, she missed the days on Normandy SR1, when they had all stayed together. The crew this year was so spread out. Shepard sighed and plastered a big smile on her face when Jack and Belle came and joined her.

"So how have the two of you been?" she asked enthusiastically, throwing the three of them into a conversation. She regretted the question however when she saw Belle's flushed face and the bite mark on Jack's shoulder. _When did that happened? _Shepard wondered, and then felt a bit worried about what Chakwas' reaction would be when she found out.

"Good enough," Jack said, never minding the way Belle was blushing and her commander was looking uncomfortable, "but I'm starting to crave action, need to let off some fucking steam." Jack had chosen her words carefully and received full satisfaction at Belle's shocked face and Shepard's sudden cough. Jack chuckled; thinking of playing this further but was interrupted by slow steps behind her.

It was Miranda Lawson, carrying a plate of food but when she noticed that Jack and Belle were also sitting at the table she turned to the left and sat down at another. Shepard stared at her sadly, knowing that she and Jack never saw eye-to-eye, but it was still a shame that Miranda had to sit so far away. Shepard knew that Miranda craved friendship and acceptance.

"Hey," Shepard tried, "why don't you come and sit down with us?"

Jack looked up at Miranda, a nasty grimace on her face. She made herself ready to get up when a sudden hand on her thigh stopped her. The biotic looked down and then threw a glance at her girl wondering what was up, neither of them liked Miranda. _If I want to leave, I'll fucking leave, _she thought to herself but reluctantly stayed seated, and continued eating her food. She would stay, but she wouldn't be nice about it.

…

A few minutes of uncomfortable conversation later (Shepard really wanted everyone to socialize)

…

"Wait, what?" Belle spluttered, "You mean to tell me that you're modified to be a perfect human?" Then she immediately looked down, ashamed at her insensitive outburst.

Miranda rolled her eyes, trying to mask her sadness. It was the last thing she needed today. Too feel like a laboratory experiment.

"Yes," she said, "I have the best genes my father could buy, he wanted the perfect daughter and…" she stopped talking when Belle, spiked with scientific curiosity was moving her hand towards Miranda's hair.

"I apologize," Belle said shyly, "may I?" Miranda's eyes grew cold but she nodded, feeling slightly like a labrat.

Belle reached out, no longer ashamed but scientifically curious, and took a few strands of Miranda's hands between her fingers, rubbing them together, feeling the texture. Then when Belle noticed the strange looks from both her biotic and her commander she let it go.

"Sorry," she said, "I majored in genetics and I have never met anyone who was actually built, put together, to be perfect. It is interesting as scientifically and academically I cannot see how it could be possible at all."

"I thought you wrote your thesis on Pineus Zero?" Shepard asked, looking at Belle.

"I did," Belle nodded, "but genetics is my subject, my passion. In my third year at university I started to get really interested in the effects of element zero to fetuses and pregnant women, as it has the effect of actually _creating _human biotics, that's a change to their genetics. My mentor however did not let me do my thesis on that, saying it was too _politically loaded. _I however still wanted to use my research so I just wrote it on Pineus Zero instead."

Jack didn't react to Belle's word, but the girl could feel Jack tense. _I should have told her, _Belle thought, _maybe she would like to know more about why she is a biotic. _She tried to look discreetly at Jack but her biotic didn't even look up. She just kept eating.

Belle almost thought that they had dropped the subject but now it was Miranda's turn to ask something. Miranda was bright and knew most details about her own genetic makeup but it wasn't every day that she could discuss it with someone who had actually studied genetics and she was curious as to why the nurse thought her to be impossible.

"Why is it impossible to create a perfect human being?"

Belle looked down for a minute, licked her lips. This was going to be fun; she loved talking about her subject.

"Well, first of all, all your physical features are somebody's preference, a little bit strange to have chosen those… um… _assets_ for a daughter," Belle looked down, blushing but then continued, " but second of all, a human being carries millions of faulty genes that have reproductive, evolutionary functions. If they didn't give you any, they have made you, in an evolutionary sense, reproduction wise, useless." Belle knew as soon as the words had left her mouth that they had been bad, terrible even, and as cold as Miranda could be, Belle did not want to hurt the woman.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, "I got carried away. I had a project on what genes we would choose to make a perfect human being. Our teachers gave us the assignment to show us that perfection is faulty and that there is no such thing as a perfect human being."

Miranda was thinking of an answer when Jack stood up. She had finished eaten and as much as she liked seeing her girl talk that way about Miranda, she wanted to get Belle back into bed. She touched Belle's shoulder.

"Come on," she said, "let's get out of here."

Belle who was still ashamed about what she had said. She nodded and said bye to Shepard. Then she turned to Miranda one last time.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't mean to offend you in any way. I just… really enjoyed that assignment. It has nothing to do with you, really, you are a person. Mine was just speculations and academics."

With that Jack and Belle retreated to Jack's room.

…

A few hours later a tired but happy Jack and Belle were lying, once again naked, on Jack's cot.

"Jack, you really should get a better mattress," Belle said, with her head on Jack's bare chest, "I'm so sore I don't know how I'm going to function later!"

Jack looked at her, smirked and then placed a quick kiss on the tip of Belle's nose.

"Yeah… you are sore because of the _mattress_," she said slyly, "if that is true, I think I'm losing my touch." In her head, a whole other thought was forming in Jack's shaved head. _Fuck, _she thought, _I think I'm falling in love with her. _

…

The next morning Belle woke up, alone to her dismay, but happy that she was still in Jack's bed. She was going to have to go back to the infirmary sometime however.

Belle grabbed Jack's blanket and burrowed her face in it, feeling sparks of happiness as she took in Jack's scent. _I love her, _Belle thought and giggled to herself, not scared of the sensation as Jack was, _god bless a girl in love. _She stood up and started putting her clothes back on, planning for a shower and perhaps a talk with Kelly.

She started making her way up the stairs, almost skipping. Feeling happy and light. She was in a content place, not worrying about Jack who was on a mission, not worrying about the collectors or reapers or anything.

Suddenly Belle heard distant screaming from somewhere on the ship. She looked up, her happy bubble busted.

"EDI," she yelled, "what is going on?" But received no answer. Knowing that there were lots of skilled soldiers on board the vessel, Belle refused to feel fear and instead kept walking; heading for the bridge, not knowing that she would not even reach the engineering level.

…

"You lost the whole crew!?" Miranda yelled at Joker, "and nearly the ship!"

Joker answered something, but Jack couldn't hear him for the buzzing in her head. She still hadn't taken the information in. The crew was gone, taken, Belle was also taken. Probably dead.

Jack wanted to scream, maybe kill Joker, kill Shepard, kill Miranda, kill herself. But she couldn't move, couldn't talk, couldn't think. She looked up at Shepard, clearly displaying her panicky eyes.

"Don't worry," Shepard said, touching Jack's shoulder, "we will get them back. You have my word."

_And if anything has happened to Belle, _Jack thought to herself, _the collectors won't know what fucking hit them. _


	16. Chapter 16 - Until the end

**Chapter 16 – Until the end**

At the briefing Jack only half-hearted complained at Miranda's attempt to lead the second crew. To her relief Shepard agreed and put Garrus in charge and then asked Tali to go through the vents.

Jack was in a cloud of confusion. She had never worried for anyone else before, it was a strange feeling. She just knew she had to throw herself in battle, taking out whatever creature/ being had killed her Belle. Jack knew life, she knew how life fucked you over, constantly; there was no hope in her mind. To her Belle was already dead, and there was only one thing on the once again slightly psychotic woman's mind and that was revenge. She would kill them all and she would enjoy doing it.

She liked that they were calling it a suicide mission. _Very fitting, _she thought.

…

Jack didn't notice anything when they were fighting their way through the collectorship. She only briefly noticed what they had to do. She hadn't been this numb since she had escaped Pragia all those years ago. She was all biotics flaring, not noticing the pain when a collector severely hurt her arm. Shepard briefly stopped her to say that she was being reckless but Jack didn't listen. She felt empty.

…

Then they reached a huge room. Shepard talked to Tali and Garrus, complimenting them on how fast they had gotten there. _Suck up, _Jack thought scornfully, _why be so positive when we are all going to die here anyway. _

"Commander," Miranda suddenly said, "you've got to see this."

Shepard walked forward and started inspecting what the room actually was like. Suddenly it dawned on the entire crew. The whole wall of the room was filled with big pods, and they looked to be filled with humans. The crew!

Shepard walked over to the closest pod, slowly recognizing the colonist girl called Lilith; she looked like she was sleeping.

Shepard walked closer and when she was right in front of her, Lilith's eyes suddenly burst oven. She started beating on the windows and then to everyone's horror she started melting in front of them. Shepard couldn't move, it was so horrific. But when the girl was just a bubbly mess and started being pumped through tubes, Shepard woke up from her trance.

"Quick," she yelled in her best commanding voice, "get them out of there!"

Everyone started running forward and opening the pods, getting the people out. Jack's head started swimming and she desperately searched the pods looking for a familiar face. Her numbness was now gone and instead she was filled with determination to find her girl alive.

Jack didn't find her at first and got more and more worried but then she noticed that Jacob was putting a redhaired girl on the ground. Belle! Jack was by her side in minutes, shaking her and holding her.

Belle started coughing and Jack held her, relief coming in waves. She didn't hear how her commander called her name.

"Jack," Shepard said, "she is alive, I'm glad but she is not going to stay that way unless you come here now!" Jack quickly kissed Belle on the forehead, needing to feel her skin but then she stood up, leaving Belle still on the ground.

"Right," Shepard called, needing everyone's attention, "we have found the crew alive, I'm glad. But now we have to continue. Mordin, you take the crew back to the ship."

"Okay, will do. Send coordinates. Will walk to ship safely, with the crew."

Shepard nodded.

"Okay, go now. Miranda, you lead the second team and Jack I need you to hold a biotic field while we walk through the swarm. Okay, let's go."

Belle gave one last look at Jack but the biotic didn't look at her. Belle was still coughing and felt disoriented and scared. She was terrified at the thought that Jack wasn't going to return to the ship with her. She was going to keep fighting and she might not return. But Belle had something Jack, lacked, Belle had hope.

"Need to go. Now." Mordin said. Belle grabbed the arm of her still coughing mother, she didn't know why but suddenly she said.

"Come on mother," she said softly and the two women started walking. Chakwas was tired, scared and had been through an ordeal but when they were walking she couldn't help but smile at Belle's word.

Mordin led them through the way towards the ship. He constantly kept talking in his omni-tool, keeping in touch with Joker who was going to pick them up with Normandy. Belle's heart was beating fast and she tried to keep calm. She heard the noises of fighting from far away and she knew that they were all in trouble. Shepard had looked worried, and so had Miranda, and those two were the toughest women on the crew. Jack was tough as well, but she didn't have the wit to be worried about anything… _Maybe she wasn't even worried about me, _Belle thought sadly as they kept walking. She didn't remember Jack shaking her to wake her up, when she had woken up she had just noticed Jack leaving her lying on the floor.

Finally they saw the grey colours of the Normandy and some people in the crew actually cheered outloud.

"About time," Joker said jokingly, greeting Mordin as they entered, but Belle didn't hear any reply.

"Come on, Belle," Chakwas said next to her, "we need to get the infirmary in order; people are going to need it." Belle nodded absentmindedly and together they walked through the ship.

The Normandy was broken, there were wires and things all over the floor and the light wasn't fully working. _Effects from flying through the omega four relay, _Belle thought, _I had no idea the effects would be so severe. _She briefly let herself worry about how they were going to get home, but then quickly pushed any negative thoughts from her head. She needed to be a nurse now; otherwise she would not be able to do her job.

"Crew are returning," EDI announced on the intercom, making Belle and Chakwas turn into a run. Desperately needing to prepare.

When they reached the medbay, they quickly prepared three gurneys and took out all the bandages and their omnitools. Then they waited. EDI announced after a little while that everyone was onboard, and that three people were coming to the medbay for some medical attention.

It was Miranda first, who had a huge cut in her arm. Second was Jacob who looked badly beaten. Chakwas immidietly turned her attention to their patients and Belle assisted. When she was cleaning the wounds on Jacob's forehead, she heard a very tired sigh from Miranda. She turned around, knowing that there was only one person who could elicit such a tired response from Miranda. And true enough, at the door, looking kind of shy with her hands in her pockets, was Jack.

"What is the situation, Jack?" Belle heard Chakwas ask and Jack held out her arm.

"I have some scratches," she said sheepishly and Belle smiled, still concentrated on the task at hand.

Chakwas sighed.

"Okay, sit down on that gurney there and one of us will come and look."

Jack did as she was told and Belle had to stop herself from not running to her girl.

Jacob suddenly stopped her hand.

"I think I'll be fine now," he said.

"But I need to bandage your hand," Belle tried but Jacob smiled and shook his head.

"I rather let it breathe," he said smiling, "go and check on our psychotic now." Chakwas looked up, having heard the conversation; she wondered what Jacob was talking about. Because surely there was nothing between her daughter and the ship's only mental liability? But to Chakwas surprise and slight alarm, Belle dropped the bandages next to Jacob, walked fast up to Jack and planted a big kiss on her lips. Chakwas looked at Miranda's face and Miranda, thinking _I knew it!, _only rolled her eyes and prodded Chakwas to continue the stitches on her arm.

"Hey," Belle said and smiled at Jack. Jack smiled at her to, her eyes so different. Filled with warmth for once, completely laid open for Belle's gaze. Belle liked it very much.

"Hello yourself," Jack replied.

…

As soon as the nurse and the biotics were able they went down below the engineering deck. They needed to talk, to hold each other, to just know that the other was alive and that they had actually survived something as gruesome as a _suicide mission. _

They sat down on Jack's cot, next to each other but not touching or even talking. Jack was still flooded with relief, but she knew that it would take Belle longer to get over the ordeal.

"How are you?" Jack eventually asked.

Belle stood up. She hadn't dealt internally with the things yet; she had had to keep her calm, but now, feeling safe in Jack's presence she let herself feel. And terror gripped her, she had been so scared!

"I was so scared, especially in those pods. So trapped, I couldn't breathe! But when the collectors came for us… that was the scariest part." Belle noticed that she was shaking.

"Give me your knife," she yelled, almost scaring Jack.

"Belle, what…" Jack started.

"Give me your motherfucking knife," Belle yelled again and Jack handed her knife. Belle grabbed it with one hand and gathered her long red hair with the other. Then before Jack could react, Belle made a swift cut, just above her shoulder and almost half a meter brick red hair fell to the floor.

"What did you do that for, little girl?" Jack asked, her eyes big, "I liked that hair!"

Belle breathed, feeling relieved. She sat down again next to Jack.

"They dragged me by the hair," she said barely audibly "I wanted to get rid of it… I couldn't stand it anymore."

Jack nodded, understanding. She to, had cut her hair off on more than one occasion, no longer standing it.

"Do you want to sleep?" she asked, testing the waters, seeing how Belle was feeling.

"I am tired," Belle said but didn't move.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes. Jack eventually broke it.

"Do you want to sleep here? Or would you feel safer in the medbay… I understand if…" Belle turned around and silenced her with a finger to her mouth.

"There is nowhere I feel safer than here with you," she said and Jack nodded, understanding. She stood up and pushed Belle closest to the wall, wanting Belle to be between her and the wall. Wanting to create a feeling of security for her girl and Belle did seem to appreciate. She snuggled against Jack's shoulder and Jack put her arm around her. To her surprise and relief Belle felt asleep almost right away but Jack laid awake. She felt strange, it seemed like a lot of her anger was gone… something in her had changed.

…

"Jack," a voice woke Jack up. She had fallen asleep as well, her arm still around Belle. She turned around and sat up. It was Shepard.

"Jack," Shepard said again and motioned with her hand for Jack to follow her. Jack stood up and they sat together on the stairs.

"What is it Shepard?" Jack sneered, but quietly to not wake Belle up, "you can't even let a girl get laid in peace?" But Shepard just chuckled.

"That looks more like snuggling than laid, and I hate to interrupt it," she said but then continued on a more serious note, "Jack, I'm here with a message for you. I have pissed off Cerberus and I am almost completely sure that they are going to come after us. As for me, I'm turning myself into the alliance. I don't know what your plans are but I want you to know that we are docked at the citadel, you could disappear if you wanted to. I wanted to give you that opportunity."

Jack nodded and thanked her. Said she needed to think.

"You have an hour," Shepard said and then left.

Jack stood up and went back to her bed, sitting down by the still sleeping Belle. She was breathing calm, her newly cut hair a mess around her head. Jack found that she liked the new hair just as much. The biotic bent down and kissed Belle's cheek. One last time.

_You will hate me, _Jack thought, _you will hate me and it will kill me. _Then she grabbed her knife and her guns and with quick steps exited the room.

…

When Belle woke up and noticed that Jack wasn't there, she somehow knew. Jack had been so different last night; there had been a softness in her eyes that Belle now understood to be a parting gift. She sat up, rubbed her eyes, calmly noting the cascade of red hair that was still spread out on the floor. She thought of walking to the medbay to see what was going on but she decided against it. She liked it here, Jack's bed was now her bed, and she would stay here for as long as she was allowed. She didn't want to leave, she wouldn't find Jack anywhere on the ship anyway.

_She left me; _the thought hit her like a punch, _why did she leave me? _

She stood up, searching for some sign that Jack had even been there. Her knife was gone, so was her shotgun, and her pistol. All there was left was a note.

_B,_

_I'm sorry I have to leave. Shepard has gone and totally pissed off cerberus and I don't want to be found. I don't mind fighting but not with the chance of you getting in the way. I don't want that. You are so young, little girl, you can still create a normal life for yourself. I can deal with you being angry with me, hell, I can even stand you hating me, if it means you will be okay._

_I might lie to myself and say that you don't matter, that you would eventually betray me, that I will not cry myself asleep tonight because I can't hold you. But those are lies._

_I love you so much it fucking scares me. That is the truth. _

_And I will love you until the end._

_J._

**End**

* * *

**So, that was it. I hope you have all enjoyed it as much as I have writing it :) I wanted to have Jack change in this chapter, slowly preparing her for her "new" personality in mass effect 3. **

**Im going to continue the story in "Jack and Belle 2" set during m e 3, but I think I will start on it after new years. If anybody has any suggestions or wishes for the story, I'm open to suggestions :). There will be more from Belle's family, perhaps with her father finding out and I do want Jack to meet Belle's adoptive mom. I also want to have more Miranda as she is another one of my favorite characters and perhaps some Aria, if I can somehow manage it. **

**Otherwise, merry christmas and a happy new year to everyone!**


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